At the river some of the boys took off their shoes and socks and paddled in the water, but it was too cold for me. I sat on the grass and watched them. A few days later, when it was sunny, I went down to the water again with Juan, the stocky boy, and two other boys with whom I had played football. We paddled in the water and splashed each other, and then walked over to a big wooden barn across the fields. It began as a game; and maybe it began because I was blond and had freckles on my face and they wanted to see what I looked like with no clothes on. I was nervous at first and refused. I wanted to go home. I promised I would not tell anybody what they were doing. Juan asked me to stay, it was all right, he said, they did this quite often.

The two other boys were young and soft-skinned and only half-formed; they had a wiry strength which did not interest me—even at that age I must have had preferences. It was agreed that we would all strip at the same time, but the two boys were much slower, so that Juan and I were down to our underpants while they were still fumbling with their shoes. I still did not want to do it, and I stood there watching them. One of them was not wearing underpants, so he was the first to appear naked. Come on, you, Juan said to me, but I did nothing. The other boy took his underpants down; he had a small erection. Let’s do it at exactly the same time, Juan said. Now, let’s do it now. He had white cotton underpants and I could see that he had an erection. He pulled them down, but still I did nothing. His penis was much larger than I had expected, longer with a huge crown at the top. I realized as I looked at him that I had no choice: I pulled my shorts down, and all three of them looked at me, approached and touched my pubic hair and pulled back my foreskin.

I put my hand on Juan’s buttocks, I could sense how strong he was. I put my hands between his legs and felt his balls. I knew that I could not pay him too much attention. One of the other boys began to masturbate me; I did not know what this was, but I let him do it. I put my hand on Juan’s penis and felt the tight, smooth skin on his stomach. Suddenly, I began to come. I did not understand what was happening. I closed my eyes and put my arms around Juan and lay against him. One of the boys was too young for all this, but the other boy and Juan began feverishly to masturbate. By the time they came off I was putting my clothes on.