“No. But you can’t judge, or at least there are no definite signs until the late stages. I went for a test and it took two weeks for the results to come back. I kept thinking I had it, I kept going back over stuff I had done. But I was okay. I made up my mind that I was going to be careful from then on.”

I put my arms around him and held him. I could feel a new warmth from him, now that he had talked about something which was important. I felt that he was vulnerable, someone who could easily be afraid, and who was alone. I made him turn around so that I held him from behind. I pulled him in against me and closed my eyes and experienced a different sort of excitement. I kissed the back of his neck. I felt his nipples between my forefinger and thumb and the soft, warm flesh on his belly. He turned and looked into my eyes. I smiled and began to play with his dick. He reached out and found the condoms. He opened one of the packages and took out the piece of rubber as though it were something precious and he rolled it down on my dick, and then did the same for himself. He asked me if I wanted him to turn off the light, and I said that I did not. I wanted to see him. Quietly, then, by the light of the lamp, we began to make love.

In the morning he put music on a CD player he had imported from the United States and he carried in a tray with freshly squeezed orange juice and coffee and toast. He wore a white dressing gown. We sat up in bed like a married couple and had our breakfast. I knew that he knew that somehow it had not worked; there was a gap between us that would never be filled. We had enjoyed ourselves and we had fallen asleep together without any problem, but there was something wrong, I don’t know what it was. The knowledge we shared made the morning easier. Neither of us was insecure, neither of us was full of hope that things would work out, watching for signs of serious attraction. We relaxed and laughed, we put the tray on the ground and made love again in an awkward, almost half-hearted way, and then we slept for a while. When we woke, we talked until it was time for me to go. I had a shower in the pristine bathroom and borrowed a clean pair of socks, leaving my old ones in the laundry basket, which was neatly placed in the alcove outside the bathroom.