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“And,” said Tant’ Sannie solemnly, “if it had not been for the grace of God, and reading of the psalms, he says he would have killed himself. He says he could kill himself quite easily if he wants to marry a woman and she won’t.”
“A le wereld,” said Trana: and then they went to sleep.
Every one was lost in sleep soon; but from the window of the cabin the light streamed forth. It came from a dung fire, over which Waldo sat brooding. Hour after hour he sat there, now and again throwing a fresh lump of fuel on to the fire, which burnt up bravely, and then sank into a great bed of red coals, which reflected themselves in the boy’s eyes as he sat there brooding, brooding, brooding. At last, when the fire was blazing at its brightest, he rose suddenly and walked slowly to a beam from which an ox “riem” hung. Loosening it, he ran a noose in one end and then doubled it round his arm.
“Mine, mine! I have a right,” he muttered; and then something louder, “if I fall and am killed, so much the better!”
He opened the door and went out into the starlight.
He walked with his eyes bent upon the ground, but overhead it was one of those brilliant southern nights when every space so small that your hand might cover it shows fifty cold white points, and the Milky-Way is a belt of sharp frosted silver. He passed the door where Bonaparte lay dreaming of Trana and her wealth, and he mounted the ladder steps. From those he clambered with some difficulty on to the roof of the house. It was of old rotten thatch with a ridge of white plaster, and it crumbled away under his feet at every step. He trod as heavily as he could. So much the better if he fell.
He knelt down when he got to the far gable, and began to fasten his “riem” to the crumbling bricks. Below was the little window of the loft. With one end of the “riem” tied round the gable, the other end round his waist, how easy to slide down to it, and to open it through one of the broken panes, and to go in, and to fill his arms with books, and to clamber up again! They had burnt one book — he would have twenty. Every man’s hand was against his — his should be against every man’s. No one would help him — he would help himself.
He lifted the black damp hair from his knit forehead, and looked round to cool his hot face. Then he saw what a regal night it was. He knelt silently and looked up. A thousand eyes were looking down at him, bright and so cold. There was a laughing irony in them.
“So hot, so bitter, so angry? Poor little mortal!”
He was ashamed. He folded his arms, and sat on the ridge of the roof looking up at them.