But more than that, Lila wanted to be there when they put Gavin in prison. It didn’t matter that he was in Indiana the night she was raped; his crime echoed what had happened to her, and she’d be damned if she was going to step aside because of something as implausible as a what if. She wouldn’t lie to Andi, but there was a large gray sea between the truth and a lie—a sea she would have to find a way to navigate.

What to tell Joe was another matter. He would ask questions and pry, dig into the meat of that far-fetched suspicion. Just the fact that she and Joe would have a conversation about it gave weight to Lila’s need to tell Andi. And if Joe asked how she planned to tell Andi…Well, that’s where it all fell apart.

The more Lila played out that conversation with Joe, the easier it was to persuade herself that she need not have it. She had to figure out what had tripped her up in court, fit all the pieces together, first. Then, like an artist revealing her work only after it’s finished, she could lay it out for him. He would forgive her keeping a secret from him, because that’s the kind of guy he was.

By the time she went to bed Sunday night, Lila was convinced that keeping her circumstances to herself was more an act of discretion than deception. It posed no harm to anyone. But as she lay awake, listening to Joe sleep next to her, she found little comfort in the twists of her logic, knowing that she cast a far bigger shadow in Joe’s eyes than she deserved.

*  *  *

At eight o’clock Monday morning, with her stomach tied into a Gordian knot, Lila took her seat in the chair across from Andi, her back straight, her knees together, and her heart thumping as she awaited judgment.

Andi, who had been writing on a legal pad when Lila entered her office, continued to write as she asked, “You want to tell me what happened in court on Thursday?”

What little Lila had prepared for that moment drifted out the window, and she answered, “I’m not sure.”

Andi stopped writing and looked at Lila, her countenance falling somewhere between the stern disapproval of a teacher and the soft disappointment of a mother. “You’re not sure what happened? Or you’re not sure you want to tell me?”

Both, Lila thought. “I had some kind of…attack, I guess.”

“You guess? I had to take over your hearing. I’ve never had to take over a hearing before, and I plan to never have to do it again. What would have happened if I hadn’t been there? If you become an attorney here, you’ll be on your own. I need to know you can handle yourself.”