I didn’t disappear. And I did get out of bed. But the pain has never gone away. Every time I think about you and what you did, I want to cry, but I try not to let myself. The pain goes away a little when I cry. And I know I deserve to feel the hurt.

I hope that maybe when I finally step through that wormhole and see you, this feeling will go away. Maybe I won’t need to hurt anymore.

Sometimes I look at that picture of us at the beach at Papa and Gammie’s house in North Carolina. I don’t recognize you, but I don’t recognize me either. I don’t think I know how to smile like that anymore.

I want to, though. I really want to.

Your sister,

Quinn

I meet up with Cora in the library after school. She has Quiz Bowl practice today, but she has thirty minutes before it starts.

“Hey,” she says when she finds me at the back table. She drops her backpack down on the floor and slides into the seat next to me. “Look at this.”

She pulls out her phone and presses play on a video. I sit up and lean in. I’m expecting it to have to do with wormholes, but it’s a funny video of a dog jumping into a pool. Cora laughs when the dog splashes into the water.

I keep staring at the phone screen.

“What?” she says. “Don’t you think it’s cute?”

I open my mouth. “I—” But then I stop myself.

Cora understands what I was trying to say. “I have a lot of videos about time travel, too, but I just needed a quick break.”

I want to say that I get that, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to get that. I stare down at the wood grain of the library table.

“The dog was so cute, right?”

“Yeah.” I smile a little.

“Let’s watch it again.”

She presses play, and we both laugh this time. It feels good to laugh with her. When the video is over, she slides her phone back into her pocket.

“I really think it’s going to work, Quinn.”

She doesn’t say what the “it” is. She doesn’t have to. The truth about what I knew about Parker turns inside of me, making me feel sick. I want to go back to how I felt a second ago, when we were laughing.

I want to forget about all of it again.

She stands up. “Practice time.” She starts to go, but then turns around again. “Hey, do you want this?”

She digs in her backpack and pulls out a paper bag. She hands it to me. I look inside and see a blueberry muffin.

“Grams made it. Blueberry’s still your favorite, right?”

I give her smile even though my insides still feel uneasy. “Thanks.”

She waves and then heads to Quiz Bowl practice. I stay in the library for a little bit before I head home. I eat the muffin on my walk. It tastes so good. It tastes like love. But I know I don’t deserve it.