When I first started coming here, I didn’t really want to talk to Dr. Randall. But I also don’t know how to sit and be quiet for an hour, so I ended up chatting his ears off. To my surprise, Dr. Randall actually has some pretty solid advice.

“I don’t know,” I finally say. “I don’t like the idea of the anniversary. It’s like it will somehow make it more real.”

Dr. Randall adjusts his glasses. “That’s very valid, Cora. Anniversaries are often fraught with emotion for that reason. It can be nice to commemorate the event, as there is power in remembrance, but it can also be very difficult to have to almost relive your trauma from that day.”

Fraught. That’s a good word. I make a mental note to remember it in case it comes up in a Quiz Bowl question. It’s another one of those words that sounds like what it means. Those are my favorite.

“I talked to Quinn,” I blurt out. Dr. Randall knows all about Quinn. I’ve talked about her a lot.

Dr. Randall’s expression stays calm, but he leans toward me with interest. “Really? How did that come about?”

“She left me a box. As a birthday present.”

“Oh. I suppose that’s nice of her. What was the present?”

I hesitate. I tell Dr. Randall lots of things, but I don’t think I can tell him about what was in the box. “That’s not important.”

“Okay,” he says, his voice level. “What would you like to share about your conversation?”

I cross my arms. I wish I could fold myself up like a pretzel. “Nothing really.”

“Are you sure?”

“I told her that I can’t be her friend.”

Dr. Randall makes the “mmm” sound with his lips again. “You still feel that way, huh?”

“I can’t be friends with the person who is responsible for my sister’s death.”

“Well, as we’ve talked about before, Quinn isn’t truly responsible, is she?”

I shake my head. My throat has a tight burning feeling. It’s a pre-crying feeling I’m all too familiar with. I try to gulp down my tears, but it’s no use. The pressure builds behind my eyes and slowly, but surely, I feel the tears glide down my cheeks. “You know what I’m trying to say, though.”

“I do,” Dr. Randall confirms. “But I still think it’s important to make that distinction.”

Another thing I like about Dr. Randall: he doesn’t react when I cry. Not in a mean way, but in a way that makes me feel like it’s okay to cry. He doesn’t make a big deal about it.

“You know, Cora,” Dr. Randall says, “it’s okay for you to feel confused about how you feel about Quinn. It’s okay for you to miss your friend and feel guilty about it. We can talk about those things in here. This is a safe space for you to talk about all your emotions. There’s no judgment here.”

I shake my head again. My eyes are blurry with tears. “You always say that this is a safe space.”