But in the morning he panics. Dreamed all night about. Screams and. No air. His father asleep and. Might die. I might die. He gets out of bed, heads for Karen’s door, breathless knock. She opens in a second, brushing her teeth, green eyes sharp on his. Can I come in? Nod, steps aside, shutting the door with a quiet click. He sits on the edge of her unmade bed. Head in his hands. Trying to breathe. She moves quick to the sink, spits, wipes her mouth on the towel. Sits beside him. Hand on his back. Xie, just take a deep breath. But. Can’t. Some sharp sense of death. Too close. Eating up all the air in his chest. Pain in his arms, hands, tingling to the tips of his fingers and his head. Eyes wide on his knees, which are shaking so bad, am I. Coming apart. Her head bent to his. Hair against his shoulder. It’s just anxiety, Xie, you’re okay. You’re okay. Her bag on a chair. Bra and nightshirt and old underwear. Bottle on the nightstand, half full. Karen takes his hand, puts it beneath his T-shirt where. The medal is. He grips it, along with the cross. Eyes squeezed shut. Chest easing up, breath smoothing out. Karen looking at him. Okay? He swallows. Nods. Yeah. Sorry. Swallowing again. Drinking the water she offers, plastic cup from the bathroom, water like metal in his mouth. Don’t worry about it, she says. A knock at the door; Erik there, looking from Karen to Xie, the unmade bed, Karen’s bare legs. Good morning, Karen says. Xie needed some aspirin. I guess we’re all a bit shaken up. Still. Erik’s slow nod. Yeah. How is your head? he asks. Fine. Thanks. Going to her bag to get a bottle of Advil. Puts it in Xie’s hand. There you go. Erik taking a step back. Hand on the door. Xie follows his father out. No breakfast. An hour later everyone in the car, quiet. Erik hands the iPod back to Jo and she scrolls through, puts on jazz. Leni sleeps against Jo’s shoulder. Mouth open. Jo scratching the blue polish from her nails. Deer, horses, fields. Cracking the window for some air. They don’t stop to eat, just drive straight through, and then they are home. As soon as they are inside Erik takes Xie’s chin in his hand. Look at me. You okay? Xie pulling away. Dad. I really don’t see the point of going down there, Erik says. Do you? Xie shrugs, exhausted again. I’m going to lie down. Erik calling out. Some people got hurt, Xie. It could have been one of us. Up the ladder. Layer of light over the entire floor. He walks on it. Pulls the branches from the body, clears away the stones. Slipping the sheet from the skull. A leaf ground to dust beneath his knee. Gather the body to his chest. P. swells into the room; the hammer on the floor. The light beyond the window. The birch aglow. Beloved. He puts the body down. Picks the hammer up.