Contents ( 56)
‘Yes, Luiza.’
‘I am sorry for your loss, and so is my husband.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Dinner is at the usual time.’
‘Then I will go upstairs and prepare for it.’
Receiving only a brusque nod in response, Bel walked up the stairs, her feet treading automatically, one after the other. Entering her bedroom, she thought that at least Loen was a comforting, familiar presence. Bel let her maid help her undress, a task she hadn’t asked her to perform at the fazenda as the usual rituals had been forgotten amidst the need to focus entirely on Carla. But now she watched Loen’s surprised expression as she stood naked in front of her.
‘What is it?’
Loen’s eyes had moved to her stomach. ‘Nothing, I . . . nothing, Senhora Bel. The bath is run. Why don’t you get in while the water is warm?’
Bel did as she was told, and lay in the bath. And as she gazed down at herself, she became fully aware of the change in the familiar contours of her body. There were no baths at the fazenda, only pails of water warmed by the sun and thrown over oneself, and she’d barely glanced at herself in the mirror for weeks.
‘Meu Deus!’ said Bel as her fingers tentatively touched the barely visible but newly rounded shape of her normally flat belly, which now appeared like a half-risen soufflé from the water that surrounded it. Her breasts too seemed fuller and heavier.
‘I am with child,’ she whispered, her heart beginning to pound.
There was no further time to contemplate what she had just seen, or berate herself for taking Loen’s advice on the ‘monthly’ she’d missed being merely due to stress as gospel, for she heard Gustavo’s reedy voice talking to Loen next door. Washing herself quickly, she stepped out of the bath, donned her robe, making sure that she tied it loosely in case her husband noticed the subtle change in her shape, and walked into the bedroom.
Gustavo stood there, his expression wary and a little shy.
‘Thank you, Loen. You may go,’ he said.
Loen left the room and Bel stayed where she was, waiting for Gustavo to speak first.
‘I am so sorry for your loss, Izabela,’ he said, parroting the words of his mother.
‘Thank you. I admit it has not been easy.’
‘Nor has it been easy here without you.’
‘No, I am sorry,’ she offered.
‘Please, don’t apologise,’ he said hastily. ‘I am very happy you are back.’ He smiled tentatively. ‘I have missed you, Izabela.’
‘Thank you, Gustavo. Now, I must get ready for dinner, and so must you.’
He nodded at her, and made his way towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Bel walked to the window, observing that the qualities of the light had subtly altered since the seasons had changed. It was past seven o’clock in the evening, but the sun was only just starting to descend to the earth. Bel realised it was mid-October and the height of spring in Rio. Turning back towards the bed, still dazed by her realisation in the bath, she saw that Loen had laid out a dress that she rarely wore, due to its flowing design – Gustavo preferred his wife to wear clothes which defined her comely figure – and her eyes filled with tears at her maid’s thoughtfulness. Once dressed, she left Gustavo upstairs and walked down the stairs to the drawing room, preferring that option to facing her husband alone. As she reached the bottom, she eyed the front door, wishing with all her heart that she could open it and run now to Laurent. For there was no doubt in her mind that the child she carried inside her was his.