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If only I could learn to feel again, rather than simply being an automaton who was outwardly a calm, functioning human being. The fact that I didn’t seem to be able to react to Pa’s death with the kind of emotion it deserved told me more than anything about how deep my problem went.
And yet, I mused, I had no problem comforting others. I knew all my sisters saw me as the family touchstone, the one who would be there for them if there were a problem. Maia; always practical, sensible, and, as Marina had said, supposedly the ‘strong’ one.
The real truth was that I was filled with more fear than any of them. Whereas all my sisters had taken wing and flown the nest, I had remained, hiding behind the need for my presence here now that Pa was getting older. And using the added excuse that it suited perfectly the career I had chosen, which was a solitary one.
Ironically, given the emptiness of my own personal life, I spent my days in a fictional and often romantic world, translating novels from Russian and Portuguese into French, my first language.
It had been Pa who had first noticed my gift, how I could imitate parrot-fashion any language that he cared to speak to me in. As an expert linguist himself, he enjoyed switching from one to the other and seeing if I could do the same in reply. By the time I was twelve, I was tri-lingual in French, German and English – all languages spoken in Switzerland – and was already proficient in Italian, Latin, Greek, Russian and Portuguese.
Languages were a real passion for me, a challenge that was endless, because however good I became, I could always be better. Words and the correct use of them absorbed me, so when it came to thinking about what I might study at university, the choice was an obvious one.
I turned to Pa for advice on which languages I should focus on.
He’d looked at me thoughtfully. ‘Well, Maia, it’s for you to choose, but perhaps it shouldn’t be the one you’re currently most in command of at present, as you’ll have three or four years at university to learn and perfect it.’
‘I really don’t know, Pa,’ I’d sighed. ‘I love them all. That’s why I’m asking you.’
‘Well then, I’ll give you a logical view, and tell you that in the next thirty years, the world’s economic power is going to radically shift. So if I were you, seeing how you’re already fluent in three major western languages, I’d look further afield.’
‘You mean countries like China and Russia?’ I’d queried.
‘Yes, and India and Brazil, of course. All countries that have vast untapped resources, and fascinating cultures too.’
‘I’ve certainly enjoyed Russian, and, in fact, Portuguese. It’s a very’ – I remember searching for the words – ‘expressive language.’
‘Well then, there you are.’ Pa smiled and I could see he was pleased with my answer. ‘Why don’t you study both languages? With your natural gift as a linguist, you could easily cope. And I promise you, Maia, that with either or both of those under your belt, the world will be your oyster. There are few people presently who have the vision to see what’s coming. The world is changing, and you’ll be at the vanguard of it.’