When we got back to the party, everyone was trying to sneak looks at me without being obvious. Which made it all obvious. When you go to enough parties, pretty soon everyone starts seeming like extras. Hired to be there. Actors on a lot dressed for an Aspen Holiday Party, a fractured fakeness. Thankfully, I’m used to it. It didn’t take long before I was pretty sure I had everyone sized up pretty accurately. No huge crazies. Everyone who worked for Calhoun + Calhoun seemed very “regular,” very “normal.” They were all in charge of something. Lighting a candle, straightening the presents, stoking the fire. The whole crew seemed scared shitless even then if you ask me. But I did appreciate that they treated me like I had a brain. By this point, the few conversations I’d had weren’t about the music industry but about the history of the area. I even had what was almost a deep conversation with Kevin and Jerry about the holidays in general. What a strange time of year it can be. But also how you’re supposed to be happy all the time when in reality it just makes you miss all the things you don’t have anymore. It was actually nice. Some people automatically think I’m an idiot. Which gets old.

Then John approached me. We hadn’t really spoken yet, but I know the type. Overconfident. Clearly he thought he was sexy, because his eye contact was off the hook. Too much. This is why I started calling him Intense John. I wouldn’t say he loved it, but I told him he should feel pretty good; not everyone gets a nickname.

He was like, “Care for any party favors?” Hysterical. What a dork. I couldn’t resist fucking with him a little. I asked if he had any blow. It was like springtime on his face, flowers blooming, rainbows coming out of his eyes. Just thrilled. He dropped his voice and said, “Why, yes. I have lots of cocaine in my pocket.” I had to tell him to calm down, I didn’t do drugs, but Pip did. Could he cut her a couple lines down on the floor?

He was like, “Yes! Of course!”

“Fuck off, Intense John,” I said, but nicely. “Pip doesn’t do blow either.” Then Pip was barking at him; she’s the best. He said something ridiculous like “Okay, great!” and walked away. Probably to go freak out somewhere.