The one place I could still hear her voice was on her albums. A few were on Spotify but I tracked down all the vinyl. I lit candles and slow-danced by myself on top of the Santa Monica rental’s kitchen counters.

My favorite was Love Is Blue. Listening to it was like gently spreading out your existential crisis as if it were a leisurely picnic lunch. It made me feel better about losing Liam. It made me feel less alone. And thinking about Claudine still living in Aspen, growing old, made me desperately want to be there too.

So I hopped on Zillow and was like, “Show me my new home in Aspen, please.” That’s how I found Montague House.

Montague House

Rare find. Sold by original owner. Luxurious seven-bedroom, ten-bathroom modern Swiss chalet atop high mesa flats. Remarkable panoramic views of all four ski areas and downtown Aspen. Thoughtfully designed by esteemed architect. Open floor plan. An art lovers delight with vast walls and vaulted ceilings. Floor-to-ceiling windows. Environmentally conscious construction, built predominantly with locally sourced materials. Four indoor fireplaces. Billiards room. Screening room. Generous outdoor areas. Tiered decks. Hot tub. Firepits. Perfect for both solitude and entertaining. | $18,995,000 | 15,000 SQ FT

The pictures were incredible. Majestic. And, most important, so very different than the place I was living. Being on tour, which is where I usually am, means not being home. Which means not having much furniture. My house was beautiful but cold. Lots of mid-century modern furniture, but not enough throw blankets. This may sound pathetic, but this Montague House looked like it could take care of me. A place where you never had to wear shoes; you just ran around sliding from room to room on wooden floors in fuzzy socks. Yes! This could take all the pain away. Looking at those pictures, I knew it had been built with a caring hand. I needed a caring hand. I clicked the “Contact Agent” button.

That’s when I saw the Realtor’s name.

Claudine.

Her name was Claudine Calhoun. I freaked out. It couldn’t have been a clearer sign. I didn’t even wait for my assistant to come in, I called myself. It was on. I’d see the house, experience some holiday cheer, and immerse myself in Aspen. I was even excited about the Secret Santa game. It sounded fun. Now all I had to do was decide what to bring.

But believe me, it wasn’t that.