Back The Secret Place
Chapters (32)
  1. Prologue
  2. Chapter 1
  3. Chapter 2
  4. Chapter 3
  5. Chapter 4
  6. Chapter 5
  7. Chapter 6
  8. Chapter 7
  9. Chapter 8
  10. Chapter 9
  11. Chapter 10
  12. Chapter 11
  13. Chapter 12
  14. Chapter 13
  15. Chapter 14
  16. Chapter 15
  17. Chapter 16
  18. Chapter 17
  19. Chapter 18
  20. Chapter 19
  21. Chapter 20
  22. Chapter 21
  23. Chapter 22
  24. Chapter 23
  25. Chapter 24
  26. Chapter 25
  27. Chapter 26
  28. Chapter 27
  29. Chapter 28
  30. Chapter 29
  31. Chapter 30
  32. Acknowledgements

‘You can come on over, Becs,’ says Holly. ‘Totally safe, unless you’ve got a microscope.’ Becca smiles and ducks her head and shakes it, all at the same time. The grass squirms under her legs, prickling.

‘Well,’ Julia says. ‘If you perverts have seen enough mini-dick for one day . . .’ She hits Delete with a flourish and gives her phone a finger-wave. ‘Bye-bye.’

Tiny beep, and it’s gone. Julia puts the phone away and lies down again. After a bit Holly and Selena drift back to their places, looking around for the thing to say, finding nothing. The moon is strengthening, as the sky turns darker.

In a while Holly says, ‘Hey, you know where Cliona is? She’s in the library, looking for a sonnet to copy that Smythe won’t know.’

‘She’s gonna get caught,’ Becca says.

‘That’s so typical,’ Selena says. ‘Wouldn’t it be easier to just write the sonnet?’

‘Well, totally,’ Holly says. ‘This always happens. She ends up working harder to get out of doing the thing than she would just doing the thing.’

They leave space for Julia to say something. When she doesn’t, the space gets bigger. The conversation falls into it and vanishes.

The photo isn’t gone. The faint rank smell of it is still stained onto the air. Becca breathes shallowly, through her mouth, but it greases her tongue.

Julia says, up into the smeared watercolour sky, ‘How come guys think I’m a slut?’

The red is blotching her skin again. Selena says gently, ‘You’re not a slut.’

‘Duh, I know I’m not. So why do they act like I am?’

‘They want you to be,’ says Holly.

‘They want all of us to be. But I don’t see anyone sending any of you guys dick pics.’

Becca moves. She says, ‘It’s only the last while.’

‘Since I snogged James Gillen.’

‘Not that. Loads of people snog someone and the boys don’t care. It’s since before that. Since you started having a laugh with Finn and Chris and all them. Because you make jokes, because you say things . . .’

She trails off. Julia says, ‘You are shitting me.’

But Holly and Selena are nodding, as it sinks in and clicks into place. ‘That,’ Selena says. ‘You say stuff like that.’

‘So you figure they want me to be some prissy hypocrite bitch like Heffernan, who let Bryan Hynes finger her at the Halloween dance because he had booze, but she acts totally OMG-so-outraged if you make a dirty joke. And then they’ll respect me.’

Holly says, ‘Just about, yeah.’

‘Fuck that. Fuck them. I’m not doing it. I’m not being it.’ Her voice is raw and older.

Thin clouds are running across the moon so it feels like the moon is moving, or like all the world is tilting under them.

Selena says, ‘Then don’t.’