Chapters (32)
- Prologue
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
- Chapter 18
- Chapter 19
- Chapter 20
- Chapter 21
- Chapter 22
- Chapter 23
- Chapter 24
- Chapter 25
- Chapter 26
- Chapter 27
- Chapter 28
- Chapter 29
- Chapter 30
- Acknowledgements
‘You can come on over, Becs,’ says Holly. ‘Totally safe, unless you’ve got a microscope.’ Becca smiles and ducks her head and shakes it, all at the same time. The grass squirms under her legs, prickling.
‘Well,’ Julia says. ‘If you perverts have seen enough mini-dick for one day . . .’ She hits Delete with a flourish and gives her phone a finger-wave. ‘Bye-bye.’
Tiny beep, and it’s gone. Julia puts the phone away and lies down again. After a bit Holly and Selena drift back to their places, looking around for the thing to say, finding nothing. The moon is strengthening, as the sky turns darker.
In a while Holly says, ‘Hey, you know where Cliona is? She’s in the library, looking for a sonnet to copy that Smythe won’t know.’
‘She’s gonna get caught,’ Becca says.
‘That’s so typical,’ Selena says. ‘Wouldn’t it be easier to just write the sonnet?’
‘Well, totally,’ Holly says. ‘This always happens. She ends up working harder to get out of doing the thing than she would just doing the thing.’
They leave space for Julia to say something. When she doesn’t, the space gets bigger. The conversation falls into it and vanishes.
The photo isn’t gone. The faint rank smell of it is still stained onto the air. Becca breathes shallowly, through her mouth, but it greases her tongue.
Julia says, up into the smeared watercolour sky, ‘How come guys think I’m a slut?’
The red is blotching her skin again. Selena says gently, ‘You’re not a slut.’
‘Duh, I know I’m not. So why do they act like I am?’
‘They want you to be,’ says Holly.
‘They want all of us to be. But I don’t see anyone sending any of you guys dick pics.’
Becca moves. She says, ‘It’s only the last while.’
‘Since I snogged James Gillen.’
‘Not that. Loads of people snog someone and the boys don’t care. It’s since before that. Since you started having a laugh with Finn and Chris and all them. Because you make jokes, because you say things . . .’
She trails off. Julia says, ‘You are shitting me.’
But Holly and Selena are nodding, as it sinks in and clicks into place. ‘That,’ Selena says. ‘You say stuff like that.’
‘So you figure they want me to be some prissy hypocrite bitch like Heffernan, who let Bryan Hynes finger her at the Halloween dance because he had booze, but she acts totally OMG-so-outraged if you make a dirty joke. And then they’ll respect me.’
Holly says, ‘Just about, yeah.’
‘Fuck that. Fuck them. I’m not doing it. I’m not being it.’ Her voice is raw and older.
Thin clouds are running across the moon so it feels like the moon is moving, or like all the world is tilting under them.
Selena says, ‘Then don’t.’