Quite how it turned out to be me was something that still left me humbled. And tonight, in particular, filled with a sense of greater awe and anticipation than I had ever experienced. I could hardly believe that the time had finally come. The moment of transmission. The event, I realized now, to which my whole life had been leading me. And in accordance with the Buddhist view of rebirth, not only this lifetime, but many lives before it.

•••

The monastery gates finally opened to reveal Kelsang, assistant to Abbot Lhamo. His usual cheerful features were drawn. ‘Welcome back, Matt,’ he inclined his head politely. Before saying, ‘The abbot will see you now.’

‘The abbot?’ I raised my eyebrows.

‘He has something to tell you,’ he frowned.

Sangay followed us into the monastery and returned to his quarters as Kelsang set an unusually brisk pace through the maze of corridors. Why wasn’t I being taken directly to Lama Tsering? Where was Dorje, Lama Tsering’s attendant, who I had expected to greet us? Was the abbot also to be present for the revelation?

Abbot Lhamo was standing alone on the worn, embroidered carpet in the middle of his office, his gaze calm and unwavering when I was ushered in. Tall, ascetic, highly regarded for his scholarship, he was considered remote by some, but this evening his expression was full of compassion.

‘Lama Tsering has been looking forward to your return today,’ he told me after Kelsang left the room, closing the door behind him. ‘Several times in the past few weeks he has spoken to me about it. A few minutes ago, when you arrived, Dorje went looking for him.’ He stepped closer towards me. ‘He found him in the main temple.’

The abbot took my left hand and held it between his. As he made that simple gesture, I felt my heart thundering. I suddenly knew exactly what he was going to tell me before he said it.

‘Matt, I am very sorry to have to tell you this sad news. Lama Tsering is dead.’

Chapter Two

It seemed impossible to believe: my kind guru dead? As I stood facing the abbot, an eternity passed. What he’d said made no sense at all. I felt so numb, for a while I could do nothing except stand in shock.

Lama Tsering had been the center of my world for the past five years. Everything in both our lives, it seemed, had been propelled by a special purpose, leading to this particular time and place, here and now. How could this be happening?

A short while later I was following Kelsang and the abbot. We passed through dimly lit corridors and up flights of stairs. What if Dorje had been mistaken? What if Lama wasn’t dead at all, but in a state of deep, meditative Samadhi? It wouldn’t be the first time such an error had been made.