Also by Colin Cotterill

The Coroner’s Lunch

Thirty-Three Teeth

Disco for the Departed

Anarchy and Old Dogs

Curse of the Pogo Stick

The Merry Misogynist

Love Songs from a Shallow Grave

Slash and Burn

The Woman Who Wouldn’t Die

Six and a Half Deadly Sins

I Shot the Buddha

The Rat Catchers’ Olympics

Don’t Eat Me

The Delightful Life of a Suicide Pilot

Copyright © 2019 by Colin Cotterill

Published by

Soho Press, Inc.

853 Broadway

New York, NY 10003

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cotterill, Colin, author.

The second biggest nothing / Colin Cotterill.

Series: A Dr. Siri Paiboun mystery; 14

ISBN 978-1-64129-061-6

eISBN 978-1-64129-062-3

1. Paiboun, Siri, Doctor (Fictitious character)—Fiction.
2. Coroners--Fiction. 3. Laos—Fiction. I. Title

PR6053.O778 S43 2019 823’.914—dc23 2018057751

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

With my endless thanks to Tim, Martin, Bertil, Ernest CB, Howard, Mac, Dr. Leila, David, Kate, Bob, Shelly, Lizzie, Rachel, Ulli, Geoffrey, Magnus, Dad, Dr. Margot, Juliet, Cara, Shona, Scott, Pary and my wife and best friend, Kyoko.

In loving memory of Saigna.

Chapter One

Chapter One

A City of Two Tails

Dr. Siri was standing in front of Daeng’s noodle shop when she pulled up on the bicycle. It was a clammy day, but his wife rarely raised a sweat even under a midday sun. She leaned the bike against the last sandalwood tree on that stretch of the road and patted Ugly the dog. Siri shrugged.

“So?” he said.

“So what?”

“What did she say?”

Daeng pecked him on the cheek and walked past him into the dark shop house. He trotted behind.

“She said I have the body and constitution of a sixty-nine-year-old.”

“You are sixty-nine.”

“Then I have nothing to be disappointed or smug about, do I? I’m fit and healthy. I’m a nice, average Lao lady with supposed arthritis. She did, however, mention that most people my age in this country are dead. I think that’s a positive, don’t you?”

“But what about . . . ? You know?”

“She didn’t say anything,” said Daeng.

“She what?”

“Didn’t mention it at all. She obviously didn’t notice it.”

“What kind of a doctor doesn’t notice that one of her patients has a tail?”

“I’ve told you, Siri. You and I are the only people who see it.”

“What about the shamans in Udon?”

“They didn’t see it, Siri. They visualized it. Not the same thing.”

“It’s a physical thing, Daeng. You know it is. I can feel it.”

“I know. And I like it when you do.”

“But now Dr. Porn would have us believe that it doesn’t exist, which means I must be senile,” said Siri.

“It means we’re both senile.”

“Then, by the same account, if you don’t have a tail, then obviously my disappearances are a figment of my imagination.”