“Mostly because my father was a player who wasn’t ready to settle down and then cheated on her. I also think it had something to do with my older sister dying as a baby. From SIDS,” I added before he asked how. The few people I’d ever told about my sister always asked how it happened. “I think I was supposed to replace her and it didn’t really work that way. Sometimes when I was younger, I used to blame myself for not being enough. Not filling her shoes so that he would want to stay with us. But he slept around and that, understandably, ended things.”

“I’m sorry. I had an older brother who died.”

Before I could stop myself, I totally overreacted. My eyes flew open wide, and my mouth hung down slightly. “You did? I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“How would you?”

Right. I wasn’t supposed to have any knowledge about him or his family. I tried to compose myself, because I was not behaving normally. I might have been a bit buzzed. “What happened?”

“He had cerebral palsy. He died from pneumonia when I was four. I only have these vague memories of him. And sometimes I wonder if they’re actual memories or just photos I’ve seen that I’ve transformed into memories. I sometimes think that’s why my parents were so focused on me, because they’d spent so much of their time caring for him and they just transferred all of that to me.”

“I’m sorry, too. I’m glad you have some memories of him.” Now I understood why it was important for him to visit sick kids in private.

“Yeah.” He shook his head, as if to clear it. “But we were talking about you, not me. Are you close to your dad?”

“Not really. He moved to Arizona and got remarried and has a new family, new kids. I just wasn’t ever very important to him. I mean, sometimes he emails or texts. When he remembers he sends me birthday and Christmas cards. I have half siblings I’ve never met. His wife is super into social media and I’ve found it’s painful to see pictures of their happy family, so I stay away from it. But that’s not the only reason I stay away from it.”

Wow. Had I really just said that last part out loud? I hadn’t meant to. Or maybe I’d just imagined it. It was currently hard to be sure.

I was guessing it had been completely internal when he took the tumbler from my hand and put both of our glasses on the floor. “I’d offer to get you another one, but you might have to drive home later.”