And what kind of plans did he have? My heart lurched as I considered that he might be seeing someone else. That maybe that’s why he didn’t call me while he was in New York. Because he was out on dates with women who would actually kiss him. Who would more than kiss him.

For the first time in my life, I understood the phrase green with envy. Because I felt sick with jealousy at the idea of him being out with other women. Which was totally irrational, because I was the one who set up our situation. I was the one who had said friends only. If he was seeing other women, he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“Is that your boyfriend?” my mom asked.

“We’re just friends. We’re not dating.”

She raised one eyebrow like she didn’t believe me. “How old is he?”

Given that I was currently embroiled in my own jealousy spiral, and while I adored my mother, getting into this weird hang-up of hers was going to make me roll my eyes so hard that my ocular muscle would spasm and make me go blind. Even if I was the last person who should be judging anyone’s weird hang-ups. “He’s twenty-seven. Not fifty-seven. He’s only three years older than me. We’re basically the same age.”

She must have heard how unwilling I was to have this discussion with her, because she immediately backed off and then proceeded into territory that made me want to roll my eyes even harder. “He’s not very conventionally handsome, is he? I can’t really see him ever getting a leading man part.”

“Okay, I’m making an appointment for you with your eye doctor, and we’re getting your vision checked. I know opinions are subjective, but yours is wrong.” Maybe it was because she’d never seen him act. The intensity, the sheer talent, the vulnerability he conveyed, the way he made every character into a real person who deserved to find love and their happy ending.

I shouldn’t have been surprised at her reaction—my mom had always looked to find the bad in every guy that I’d ever expressed an interest in. During my Felix Morrison obsession, she’d reminded me more often than was necessary that he was a fictional character and that I’d never date him.

Ha. I’d showed her. Well, sort of. Since we weren’t technically dating.

But she seemed to always find the flaws in guys that I had crushes on. To discourage me. Did that have something to do with my dad? Did she think she was protecting me from feeling the same kind of heartbreak she had? I wondered if her bringing up what was wrong with guys I liked played into my phobia issues at all. And why hadn’t this ever occurred to me before?