But it was a text from Noah. From his actual phone number and not a restricted one.

I smiled.

Why did that make my heart flutter?

I sent him a smiling emoji and then added him to my contacts. That little interaction made my soul lift and feel like nothing bad could happen to me. My next dog was a Great Dane, and I didn’t even care about all the splashing that soaked my entire outfit and the floor. It was fine. I felt happy and hopeful for the first time in a long time, and I was going to get to see Noah again.

Although I wondered how I could both wish for and dread something at the same time.

Sunshine and I went out for dinner, and as the hours passed, that mixture of anticipation and fear became a potent cocktail that almost made me cancel no less than half a dozen times.

But every time I got my phone out, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even if I told myself I didn’t want to see him again, I did.

I made some brownies, thinking that it would be a nice gesture to bring them over, since he’d fed me last night. But then they smelled so good, and while I knew chocolate was not going to mitigate what was about to happen, I figured it would put me in a better headspace to emotionally deal with everything.

And then I accidentally ate seven pieces.

So when seven thirty rolled around, I felt a little sick to my stomach, which I attributed to gorging myself on brownies. But I went into the guest bedroom and got dressed. I threw my hair up into a ponytail and put on jeans and a T-shirt. Dressing up for it felt like it would make it too much of a big deal. I was just going over to my new friend’s house to hang out.

And possibly smooch him.

I brushed and flossed my teeth really well. Really, really well. Like, I almost made my gums bleed. I also put some mints in my pocket, just in case.

I tried to psych myself up and hang on to that sliver of hope that this was going to work. I would conquer my fear of kissing and, as a side bonus, have a fantastic story to tell at parties someday. Even though no one was going to believe me.

I said goodbye to Sunshine and walked the short distance up to Noah’s house. When I got to his door, before I could even knock or ring the doorbell, Magnus was barking. I heard Noah call out, “Come in!”

Although it felt a little awkward to just walk into his house, I did it anyway, petting Magnus and saying hello to him. Once he’d been properly greeted, he trotted off.