I was trying to convince both of us, latching on to every negative thing in his life to make sure that we wouldn’t date. Because I couldn’t deal with it. Noah Douglas was not the kind of man you dated. There was no way he’d ever stick around, and I knew I’d never be able to deal with him walking away from me if I kissed him and fell in love with him.

Which probably had something to do with my father leaving me, but I wasn’t really up for examining my daddy issues.

“I disagree with just about everything you said, but I would respect your boundaries.” He sounded a little wounded, and I immediately felt bad. “So we don’t date. But if we are able to help you overcome your phobia, you will want to date somebody eventually, right? In that case, think of me as your seat filler until that guy shows up.”

“That doesn’t seem right,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to use you.” I worried that maybe I was being a little presumptuous. He might not want to date someone regular like me, either, who wouldn’t understand his lifestyle and wouldn’t be able to easily navigate the Hollywood landscape. Only unlike me, he was way too polite and respectful to list all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough to be his girlfriend.

Because you know, deep down, that you would never be enough for him. You don’t measure up, a voice inside me said, making me sad.

But he made things better by sporting a wicked smile that I felt deep in my gut. “I don’t object to being used in whatever way you’d like. But I’m aware of the situation and the parameters, and since I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions. I’m still in.”

He was giving me everything I could have asked for. Before I could talk myself out of accepting, I said, “Me too.”

His eyebrows lifted, like this wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. “Okay. Do you want to start now?”

The panic returned, making my chest feel like it was on fire. “No, no, I do not. I need to, I don’t know, get mentally prepared for it. Like, I need some time to realize that this is going to happen. With you.” Because that was a lot. “I should probably head home. I’ll just find a ride.”

I got out my phone. It felt like we’d been chatting for a long time, but it hadn’t been long enough that it was safe for me to drive.

“Put your phone away. It will be expensive to take an Uber. I’ll text someone from my car service.”