It’s the first that time I realize me not wanting to be an Outlier comes down to that one sad fact. I don’t want to feel more alone. I don’t want to claim this new part of me if it means putting more distance between me and the rest of the world. Not when we are already so far apart. But maybe if there were Kelseys and Gabrielles, maybe if being an Outlier meant becoming part of something, I’d feel differently. Maybe being an Outlier could mean finally finding a place where I belong.

Pretty soon, I start to skim. There is way too much to read, and I am too impatient. But I do pause on this list:

1. Get better with concentration and practice

2. Blocking; pretend it’s the truth

3. Hard in crowds; eye contact helps

4. More than just reading feelings? Someday, the Future??? ☺

Blocking. That must have been what Kelsey was doing when I couldn’t read what she was feeling, when she was like a brick wall. It takes a couple of minutes of looking to find the spot where Kelsey and Gabrielle go into more detail on the whole idea of “blocking”—controlling their own feelings so that others won’t be able to read them. In theory it sounds simple, but without another Outlier to test me, how will I ever know that I’m doing it right?

I close the book and take a deep breath. I need to talk to Kelsey. I need to understand what she knows and figure out why she gave me the book. I mean, obviously she knows this is something we share, but what is it she wants me to do with this information?

Before I worry about that, though, I need to call Jasper and my dad. If I can’t, or can’t reach them, there can be no waiting—not for my dad to get back from DC or for Rachel to kick up a fuss. Or to find out whatever it is Kelsey really wants me to know. I need to go now. We all do.

THE HALL IS empty and quiet when I finally step out of my room and make my way down to the common room. I hope to find Dr. Haddox there. Hope that he is not too angry at me for running after Kendall, that he will be willing to overrule the Wolf and let me call my dad again and then Jasper. At this point even leaving another message for Jasper will be better than nothing. And I’ll start with an apology to Dr. Haddox. It can’t hurt to start there. Even if I don’t really feel sorry at all.