When I meet eyes with the guard again I feel it so clearly: violence. He’s hungry for it. Like some kind of animal. A bear, or maybe a wolf. And for the first time, I feel in actual, physical danger. But I need to try to reach Jasper, too. I can’t wait anymore for Dr. Alvarez to do as she promised and send news. I need proof that Jasper is okay. And I need it now.

“I have to call someone else,” I say, because I do. I can’t wait anymore for word about Jasper. “He’s a friend. I need to make sure he’s all right.”

“Like I said: no more calls,” the Wolf says. “Besides, it’s parents only. We can’t have you all tying up the phone talking to boyfriends.” The way he says “boyfriends” sounds so dirty it makes my skin crawl.

“Dr. Haddox let me call him before.”

He glares at me. “Then I’m sure he will let you call again. When he gets back.”

He’s hoping I’ll argue, so that he can shut me up once and for all.

“Fine,” I say finally, handing the receiver back to him. “Here.”

WHEN I TURN back from the phone, the girls have left their game. They are spread across the room in much the same way they were when I first walked in. I drift back to where we had formed our circle, looking around at them. Hoping to feel some kind of sign.

Tell them they are Outliers? Don’t tell them? Tell them all about Quentin and Cassie and my dad. Or just some of it.

It sounds so easy: trust your instincts. But I’ve spent so much time disregarding my feelings, so long telling myself that all of what I’m feeling is suspect and wrong, that I’m not sure anymore how to read those messages that my gut is sending me that are right. And at least some of that cold burn in my stomach right now is still regular old anxiety. And maybe Dr. Shepard is right that someday I will know exactly where that line is between the terror that lies inside of me and that which I can feel in the world. But today is not that day.

I think back to that last night when my mom went out for milk. I did have a bad feeling about her leaving as she walked past me and out the door. I didn’t want her to go. But I had pushed that instinct away. Decided to keep my mouth shut instead, so I didn’t let my worry run the show. And with my anxiety, so many times that is the right call, even now it is. But not always. That time I had been right to worry. Wrong to ignore my instincts.