“You cannot fucking be serious,” he says, crossing his arms tight and glaring angrily at me. And yes, he is hurt. I can feel that, too. “After everything we’ve been through, you’re still going to try to pull that shit?”

“What shit?” I ask, stung and stunned.

“The whole ‘I’m going to let you go and that makes me a good person.’”

“Well, I don’t want you to—”

“To what? Feel obligated?” he snaps. “That’s such bullshit, Wylie. Stop pretending that you’re looking out for me when you’re really trying to protect yourself. People feel obligated to each other. That’s the whole point of life. What are you afraid of?”

“Afraid?” I ask, like that’s absurd.

But telling Jasper to go has become such a reflex, I’ve stopped considering why I’m doing it. And the truth is I’m not sure I want to know.

“That’s not what—”

“Does me being here put you on the hook?” Jasper goes on without letting me finish. Which is all for the best because I have no idea what to say. “Yep, absolutely. You will be on the hook, Wylie. So if you don’t give a shit about me, say the word and I’m gone. But don’t stand there and pretend that telling me to go is some act of generosity, when it’s the most selfish thing in the fucking world.”

My face feels hot, and my ears are ringing. “You and I, or this, or whatever—it’s a terrible idea. I’m a mess, don’t you see that?”

Jasper shakes his head. “And I tried to choke that kid. Not because I had to either. Because he pissed me off. I got mad. And sometimes when I get mad, I snap. Just like my dad. It’s not something I like about myself. I’m trying to be different. It doesn’t always work.” He rubs a hand over his face. “Everybody’s messed up, Wylie. It’s a question of degree. And intent. If you keep waiting until you’re fixed to live your life, you’re going to have wasted so much time.”

For a second, anger still bubbles up inside me, but it lacks the necessary oxygen to catch. Jasper is right. I am trying to push him away. Not so I can avoid owing him anything. So he can’t decide that me and my issues aren’t worth the effort. After all, you can’t be cut loose if you’ve never attached yourself in the first place.

But none of that actually has anything to do with how I truly feel. And I may finally be running out of time to come clean.

“Please stay,” I say finally. “I’m not afraid to go back to the hospital alone. I still don’t need you. Not in that way. But I want you to stay.”