ASH

When Ash was little, whenever her mother was on the warpath and a beating was on the horizon, Ash would race to her room and grab her favorite stuffed animal. Moosey, as she so cleverly named the stuffed gray moose. Moosey gave Ash strength. Holding on to him, she could almost convince herself everything would be okay. After the beating was over, she’d cling tightly to him until the pain subsided. When she left home, Moosey stayed behind. Time to grow up, she told herself.

A year later Ash found something that offered the same sense of security as her stuffed moose—a small and very sharp switchblade. The blade Nate gave her. Becca had tried to take it away once and they’d had one of their biggest fights ever. It soothed Ash knowing she had it, knowing she could protect herself. Ash agreed not to take it to school, but she kept it with her whenever she went out. At the end of every night, she tucked it under her pillow, always within arm’s reach.

She couldn’t imagine Nate hurting her, but Ash knew firsthand that people did terrible things to those they loved. She couldn’t escape Leslie’s words echoing in her head. “Mo’s testing us. It’s a loyalty test.” If she could just grab her knife, she would be okay. She could protect herself.

Nate must have seen the fear reflected in her gaze, because he instantly released her, sinking down onto the bed, his hands raised in surrender. “Ash, I won’t hurt you,” he said softly. “Is that what you thought?”

She didn’t answer, scrambling for the knife, clutching it in her hands, feeling the weight of it and knowing she was protected.

“What the hell are you doing, sneaking into my bedroom, like some kind of psycho?” Ash snapped.

“Shh… keep your voice down,” Nate said, darting nervous glances at the door. “Things are fucked up. We have to leave, Ash. We have to go right now,” Nate said.

Ash pushed the covers away and sat up. “I’m not going anywhere. I told you in my text it’s over,” Ash said, her eyes cast downward, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.

He reached out and gently lifted her head to meet his gaze.

“You have to listen to me. Something’s fucking seriously wrong. Last night I went to my tent and I found Leslie waiting for me. She was crying so hard I could barely understand her. She said that Mo’s told the others that you’re a threat. She said Mo called it the reckoning. That you’ve corrupted me and can’t be trusted. Don’t you understand, Ash? Leslie’s warning us. We’re not safe here. Not anymore.”

Ash sank back against the covers, her body trembling uncontrollably. “Eli isn’t okay, is he?”

“No,” Nate whispered. “I don’t think he is.” Ash saw it now. It wasn’t anger or aggression that transformed Nate. It was fear.

“How the hell did this happen? How could you have trusted them? Trusted her?” It wasn’t fair to blame Nate. Hell, Ash had almost bought Mo’s stupid bullshit about Eli too, but she needed someone to blame, and Nate was an easy target.