Before I came out to myself I would have spent hours wondering if she was flirting with me. Now I’m excited that I was flirting with her. I think that was flirting, at least.

“I’m Beth. Let me know if you need anything,” she says, directly to me.

Definitely flirting. I think. Probably definitely.

“Well,” Mom says. She sounds scandalized, and I freeze. How could my mother have possibly picked up on that if I wasn’t even sure it was happening? “Your cousin, Julie, got married. Eloped. Can you believe it?”

“That’s great.” I wrap my hands around the coffee mug Beth filled. “Tell ma tante congratulations.”

She glares at me. “No, Sophie. Francine is beside herself.”

“Why?” I shrug. “Clearly, Julie is in love.”

“You’ll understand one day when you have children. We deserve to be a part of these special days, too.”

I stare into my coffee mug so I don’t have to address the fact that I don’t know where I stand on the whole kids thing, and so I don’t blurt out, it’s not about you, Mom.

“Anyway, you’re right that Julie is in love. Her wife is a lawyer.”

I snap my eyes back to Mom. “Julie is gay?” I ask.

She frowns at the interruption. “Yes. She told Francine and Gui last year. As I was saying, Julie’s wife is a lawyer...”

My brain is too busy screaming to hear the rest of that sentence. Growing up, we never spoke about what being queer meant. For her to mention a queer cousin so casually... I study Mom’s face as she chatters away about how Julie is going to a fertility clinic to find a sperm donor.

Never had I planned to tell my mom about being bi, at least, not in the near future. I was going to wait until I felt stable in my sexuality before sharing it with her and Dad. I’m not afraid they’ll disown me, but then, I was sure that Paul would react only with love and acceptance. It’s terrifying to ask someone you’ve known your whole life to completely restructure everything they thought they knew about you.

Because what if they say no? What if they can’t?

“I only wish you could have that, Sophie,” Mom says.

The leather booth squeaks as I sit back. “A wife?”

Immediately, I think of Amy, but take that thought and hold it under water until it stops kicking. Amy is not wife material. Not when what she wants is for me to spread my sapphic wings.

“I wish you could have that kind of stability in a partner, Sophie. That’s why your father and I were so surprised to hear about you and Paul.”

Paul. Of course. It’s always about Paul.

“He makes good money and he loved you so much. What could have happened to make you want to leave him?” She leans in closer, dropping her voice low. “Was he unfaithful, dear? Because sometimes men feel like they need to go elsewhere if they’re not getting what they need at home.”