“Whatever you get is fine,” Pamela replied.

After looking over the hand-scrawled menu board, I ordered a couple of Cokes, two cups of chicken noodle soup, and French dip sandwiches. I paid for the meal and went back to the table where Pamela was sitting quietly. For a moment we just looked at each other, then I clasped my hands on the table in front of me. “What did you want to talk about?”

Pamela took a deep breath. “I’m not sure where to begin.”

After a moment I said, “Why don’t you begin by telling me why you abandoned your daughter?” My words sounded harsher than I had intended.

She nodded. “All right.” She looked down for a long time. When she looked back up at me, her eyes had a dark sadness to them. “I want you to understand something. What I’m going to tell you isn’t an excuse. It’s a reason. If I could do things differently, I would.” She looked into my eyes to see if I understood.

“Okay,” I said.

She settled a little into her chair. “I should start at the beginning.” She took another deep breath. “I was too young when I married Sam. I was only eighteen. Way too young. My life at home was so terrible, and I suppose I was just looking for a way to get out. My parents were always fighting. They were always screaming and shouting at each other. Sometimes their fights would turn violent. Once the neighbors called the police, but when they arrived, my parents just yelled at them. The police left shaking their heads. It was madness.”

“Were they ever violent with you?” I asked.

“My mother hit me a few times. But seeing them hurt each other was worse. I used to hide in my closet with my hands over my ears so I wouldn’t hear them. But of course I heard every word. I always thought it was my fault. I know that’s not rational, but children aren’t terribly rational.

“This pattern went on my whole childhood. I don’t know why they didn’t get counseling or just leave each other. They were just sick, I guess. Or their relationship was. It was their cycle. But I never got used to it.

“When I was old enough, I got a job waitressing at a pancake house. I worked as much as I could, and when I wasn’t working I’d hang out with my friends. We would stay out really late, and I would sleep over at their houses. For months I barely went home. I hadn’t really run away from home, I just stopped going there.