ROSS: Yes… well… we did do a subject called Practical Psychology for Policemen.

SIMMONDS: Exactly. Did you find it helped your understanding of the human mind, Ross?

ROSS: [shamefaced] I was sick that week.

SIMMONDS scowls at him and turns back to the ladies.

SIMMONDS: The point about all this, ladies, is that I don’t want to think I’m in the type of job where someone with a serious human problem can come in and all the help they’ll get from me will be a few words typed out on a sheet of paper. I’d like to think that if there was something I could possibly do for them, I’d do it. There’s been a lot of broken marriages through this office, ladies, and the only good thing about that is that perhaps I’ve learned something that may be of assistance to someone else.

KATE: Well, thank you very much, Sergeant, but I think perhaps that the report would be the most useful thing at the moment.

SIMMONDS: We don’t always stick strictly to the letter of the law where human problems are involved, Mrs Mason. There may be some way we can help.

KATE: [looking at FIONA] Well, we… er… do actually have one small problem…

SIMMONDS: You tell me.

KATE: Well… er… Fiona has some rather gorgeous furniture that she went back to work to help pay for.

FIONA: That’s not why I went back to work. I was bored stiff.

KATE: Nevertheless, you did substantially pay for the furniture yourself—

SIMMONDS: Look, I’m sorry, ladies. Perhaps if we could start from the beginning. Where did you first meet your husband, Mrs Carter?

FIONA: [looking at KATE who motions her almost imperceptibly to proceed] In Germany.

SIMMONDS: Is he a foreigner?

FIONA: No. He’s Australian.

SIMMONDS: I see. I take it you went overseas?

KATE: On impulse, Sergeant. She didn’t even check to see whether she could get a job. When the whim took her, she went.

FIONA: [calmly] That is not true, Kate. I’d planned to go for years and there were plenty of jobs around in England.

KATE: [to SIMMONDS] She ran out of money.

FIONA: It was stolen.

KATE: Well, you didn’t cable me for more.

FIONA: Yes, well, I know what Ralph thinks of me.

KATE: Yes, well, Ralph knows what you think of him. Nevertheless, he would have sent it.

SIMMONDS: Ralph’s your husband?

KATE: [nodding and smiling] Despite what my sister says, Sergeant, the fact is that she did not think the whole thing out. She’s always been a bit impulsive, I’m afraid.

SIMMONDS: [who has moved close to FIONA and is ogling her] Well, that can be a delightful fault at times, Mrs Mason. Are you a little bit impulsive too?

KATE: [noticing SIMMONDS’ attention towards FIONA, and starting to compete] I’m afraid I am, a little bit.

SIMMONDS: [savouring the possibilities] Hmm. [To FIONA] And you met your husband in Germany, Mrs Carter?

FIONA: [nodding] In Munich.

KATE: At the beer drinking festival.