He did. All too well. The question was, could he provide the strength and the ease someone else required, and not find himself mourning too?

Rutledge took a deep breath. “He should have given me a little time to arrange matters at the Yard . . .” His voice trailed off. There was the inquiry into Teller’s disappearance. It was taking up all his time—

“And you’d have put him off. I suspect he knew that. Meanwhile, I’m the one with the preparations to see to. We’ve aired the spare bedroom and the nursery, and there’s food for meals and an invitation for his old partner in the architectural firm to lunch with David at his club, and there’s even a lady who wants him to come to tea.”

That got his attention. He looked up. “A lady?”

“Melinda Crawford, of course.” She smiled. “We’re going to Kent the day after tomorrow. It’s arranged.”

He could see how much had been planned without his knowledge. But if there was a luncheon and a visit to Kent, as well as the zoo, or whatever else a small restless boy might wish to see, he might—just—make it through.

“Ian?”

“All right. But you must go to the station, I can’t take—”

“But you can take a half an hour,” she said gently. “And bring them here to me.”

And so it was that he found himself at St. Pancreas the next morning, waiting for the train from Edinburgh, Hamish ringing in his ears and his mouth dry as bone.

Chapter 10

For nearly eight months, Rutledge had refused every invitation from his godfather, David Trevor, to come back to Scotland. What had happened there in September of the previous year had left him physically near death and emotionally shattered. He needed no reminder of that time—events were still etched in his memory, and Hamish had seen to it that every detail remained crystal clear. For he had entered Hamish’s world without any warning to prepare either of them, and the price had nearly been too high.

He could not tell his godfather why the very thought of traveling north was still anathema. Because of Fiona, the woman Hamish should have lived to marry. Because too many young Scots like Hamish had died under his command. All the same, he sometimes felt that Trevor already understood much of the story, at least the part that had taken place in Scotland. Please God, no one would ever learn the whole truth about Hamish, and what had happened in France.

He was grateful now for the inquiry that was presently taking up so much of his time—it would give him the excuse to absent himself from his visitors when the strain of pretense was too much.

Rutledge met the travelers at the station, as promised, and as the train came into view, he felt tension invest his body, like steel rods.

Hamish said derisively, “It willna’ help.”

Rutledge said nothing in reply, swallowing the bitter taste that rose in his throat.