“And…and…” She sucked in a harsh breath. “I drop the jar and it shatters, but who cares? Will is dead. Will! My Will! And I can’t breathe! How am I supposed to breathe?” She screamed that last word, and I felt it reverberate in every cell of my body. The gasp she took was familiar, and I tensed every muscle in my body as I heard it. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” The chant went on another ten seconds before the therapist jumped in to help with the anxiety attack, and the tape stopped.

Sam pocketed the phone and wiped her cheeks again.

Defeated. Drained. Heartbroken. I couldn’t put a finger on which emotion trumped the rest. “I love her,” I whispered.

“Yeah, I know you do. And beneath all this that’s swimming in her head? I think she loves you, too. And you can be as mad as you want to be that she’s shut you out, as long as you understand that it has nothing to do with what she feels for you and everything to do with self-preservation so she doesn’t become her”—she lifted her phone—“again.”

“So I’m just supposed to do what? Walk away from the woman I love?” I lifted my head. “Because that’s not in my nature. What we have is something worth fighting for, and I’m climbing into the ring, ready to take the punches, but she’s already left the arena.”

Sam sighed and rubbed her forehead, then glanced at her wedding ring. “The truth is I’m torn. I honestly think she needs you just as much as you need her. I…” She shook her head and muttered something to Will. “I think you’re her match. But I also know that you are jumping up and down on the biggest trigger she has.”

“I can’t help it. If I could do anything about this, trust me, I would.”

“I know that, too.” She stood and put everything back in her bag. “Which is why I’m telling you that it’s not going to be enough for you to fight for her. You’re going to have to fight her, too. And that might be more than you can take.”

I got up to walk her to the door, then stared through the storm glass at Morgan’s house. She was in there, right now, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Or could I? “I can take it,” I told Sam. “Whatever she dishes out, I can take. Now, during the deployment, and after. I’m all in.”

She studied me, then nodded. “Okay.”

“But how am I supposed to love her without triggering her right now? Because I don’t want her on the ground for the next three months.” I never wanted to hear the voice on that tape again.