“How the hell can someone who calls herself my best friend stand there and say that his only chance at happiness was in death? You knew I loved him!” I jabbed a finger at her. “Am I that horrible, that unlovable in your eyes that you would rather see him dead with your sister than alive with me? I might not be as sweet, and kind, and perfect as you are, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t worthy of him.” Hot, angry tears fell from my eyes, and I didn’t wipe them away. Let her see them. Let them all see them.

“No. Sweet mercy, Morgan, no.” Paisley shook her head. “Of course you’re worthy, and loveable, and it kills me that you think that—”

She took a deep breath and glanced at Josh. “Because it was what Josh needed to hear.”

“And just what the hell did you think I needed to hear?” The tears fell quickly now, their warmth stolen by the ocean breeze as they reached my jawline.

“I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. “But I can see now that I didn’t say it to you.”

“You didn’t bother with me.” My voice fell. “You were pregnant, and Jagger had three billion surgeries. I know that, logically. You were exhausted, and scared, and dealing with a whole host of things. I remember because when you’d call, that’s all we’d talk about. And it was my fault, too. I should have told you back then, but I’d gotten so used to protecting your feelings that I didn’t know how to be honest with mine. So I kept quiet and faked my way through the days, and the weddings, and the phone calls. But the nights? I can’t fake those. And because no one saw fit”—I waved my hand at Josh and Jagger—“to take the time to show up and tell the woman who loved Will exactly how he actually died, I get to picture it playing out differently in every nightmare every night. But it’s okay since it’s just me going through it and not any of you. And hey, that’s better than making you guys relive it, right? Who cares that I don’t know as long as it doesn’t inconvenience you? But the thing is that my therapist wants me to have this imaginary conversation with Will that’s supposed to take place where he died, which is ludicrous, but I can’t argue because the therapy is working. But I can’t even do that because I have no idea what happened that night!”

“Shit, Morgan, I didn’t realize—” Josh grimaced.