I rolled mine between my hands and brought my eyes up to meet hers. “I hate that he flies helicopters, and not just any helicopter—it’s the coast guard version of Will’s. What kind of messed-up fate is that? I hate this feeling that grips my belly when I think that if I fall for him—really and truly fall—that I won’t survive having to bury him. I know that’s really selfish of me to say considering that Grayson’s in Afghanistan—”

“Stop.” She fixed a determined stare on me. “You lost the man you loved, and I didn’t. You get to say whatever you want to me whenever you want to say it. Now you listen. Jax isn’t Grayson…or Will.”

I flinched, but I held her gaze.

“Jax is a pilot, yes, but no one shoots at him. He’s not going to Afghanistan or Iraq or anywhere like it. He’s going out there”—she pointed toward the wall of windows—“so he can save lives. That’s who that man is. He saves people. And you get to worry—God, I hate that it comes with the territory, but it does. Will’s death traumatized you, and knowing that Jax flies is going to fuck with your head. That’s understandable. That doesn’t make you a mess—it makes you human. Plus, I’ve seen that man shirtless, and I’m shocked that didn’t make your like list. Go figure, that boy is a damned pilot. You’d think we’d be better at spotting them by now.”

“I guess I have a type,” I drawled, rolling my eyes.

“Girl, don’t we all.” She grinned. “You’re just going to have to decide if all those things you like about him are outweighed by the one thing you don’t.”

Mercy, I was an idiot for even thinking about it, for contemplating doing exactly what Sam suggested and talking to Jackson about my limits and our possibilities. Maybe it made me a traitor to Will’s memory, but I wanted Jackson in my life.

What if he wouldn’t wait for me to pull my shit together? What if I couldn’t get past his job? But what would happen if I didn’t even try?

“You have one more homework assignment today, right?” Sam prodded.

I sighed. “The truck.”

“The truck.” She nodded. “Want me to come with you?”

“No, I’ve got this.” I forced a fake smile, and Sam rolled her eyes. “I do. I can do it.”

“Okay, then get out there and open that door. Ten seconds. You hear me?” she ordered as I walked past her.

“Ten seconds,” I agreed.

“And try not to beat the shit out of it this time,” she called after me as I made it out the front door.

I shut it extra hard.