"When the plane took off from Columbia, I was scared to death," Nicky said. "I was so relieved to leave my parents and everyone I knew, but I didn't know if being in Germany would change anything. When I landed, my new host brother was waiting for me in Arrivals. Erik Klose," Nicky said, sounding it out like he was saying it for the first time. "He taught me to believe in myself. He showed me how to balance my faith and my sexuality, and he made me okay again. I know it sounds dramatic, but he saved my life."

Nicky flipped his hands over and laced his fingers together. The look he turned on Neil was as reassuring as it was worried and made Neil want to edge away. "That's what love is about, see? That's why Exy isn't ever going to be enough, not for you or Andrew or anyone. It can't hold you up, and it won't make you a stronger or better person."

"Okay."

Nicky wasn't impressed with that neutral response. "I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm not the dullest, either. I've figured out by now you've got all the trust issues of a stray tom cat. But sooner or later you're going to have to let someone in."

"Can I study now?"

Nicky scooped Neil's math pamphlet off the ground but held it out of reach. "It's your turn. Why don't you like girls?"

"I don't not like them," Neil said, but Nicky only snorted in disbelief.

Neil thought of his mother's heavy fists on his skin and her fingers knotting in his hair. She'd told him time and time again girls were dangerous. They got inside a man's head, she said. They got under a man's skin. They could make a man want to change the world starting with himself. They'd turn him inside out and pull out all his secrets. They might mean well but it'd get all of them killed in the end.

"It's complicated," Neil said at last. "Let me work now."

"At least promise me you'll think about it?"

"Promise," Neil said.

"You are such an unrepentant liar." Nicky huffed and handed over Neil's work.

Neil glanced at his watch, winced when he saw how much time they'd lost, and flipped to the equation he'd left off on. Nicky grumbled a bit under his breath as he reorganized his own notes but quieted down as soon as he got back to work. Neil pushed the entire conversation from mind so he could focus. Within a couple minutes he'd forgotten all about it, and honestly he expected it to stay forgotten.

It came back to him at practice when he spotted Andrew and Renee. They were standing together near the goal, and Andrew was gesturing excitedly as they went on about something or other. Neil watched them longer than he meant to and remembered Nicky's words.