For a moment he frowned as he heard the words, then he gave a little sigh, as a man tempted by false hope. ‘A few days ago I would have begged to hear more. But it is too late now. The guard will come. You have to go. Hear this. I release you from your loyalty to me and to my cause. Your work for me is finished. You can earn a good living at court and then marry your young man. You can be the queen’s fool in very truth and forget me.’

I stepped a little closer. ‘My lord, I will never be able to forget you.’

Lord Robert smiled. ‘I thank you for that, and I will be glad of whatever prayers you offer up at the hour of my death. Unlike most of my countrymen, I don’t really mind what prayers they are. And I know that they will come from the heart, and yours is a loving heart.’

‘Shall I carry any message from you?’ I asked eagerly. ‘To Mr Dee? Or to the Lady Elizabeth?’

He shook his head. ‘No messages. It is over. I think that I will see all my fellows in heaven very soon. Or not, depending on which of us is right about the nature of God.’

‘You can’t die,’ I cried, anguished.

‘I don’t think they will leave me much choice,’ he said.

I could hardly bear his bitterness. ‘Lord Robert,’ I whispered. ‘Can I do nothing for you? Nothing at all?’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘See if you can persuade the queen to forgive Jane and Elizabeth. Jane because she is innocent of everything, and Elizabeth because she is a woman who should live. A woman like her was not born to die young. If I thought I could leave you with that commission and you could succeed, I could die in some peace.’

‘And for you?’ I asked.

He put his hand under my chin again, bent his dark head and kissed me gently on the lips. ‘For me, nothing,’ he said softly. ‘I am a dead man. And that kiss, Mistress Boy, my dear little vassal, that kiss was the last I will ever give you. That was goodbye.’

He turned away from me and faced the window and shouted: ‘Guard!’ for the man to unlock the door. Then there was nothing for me to do but to leave him, in that cold room, looking out into the darkness, waiting for the news that his scaffold was built, the axeman was waiting, and that his life was over.

* * *

I went back to court in a dazed silence and when we went to Mass four times a day I dropped down to my knees and prayed in earnest that the God who had saved Mary should save my Lord Robert too.

My mood of exhausted pessimism suited the queen. We did not live like a victorious court in a victorious city. It was a court hanging on a thread of its own indecision, sick with worry. Every day, after Mass and breakfast, Queen Mary walked by the side of the river, her cold hands dug deep in her muff, her steps hastened by the cold wind blowing her skirts forward. I walked behind her with my black cape wrapped tightly around my shoulders and my face tucked into the collar. I was glad of the thick hose of my fool’s livery and glad of my warm jacket. I would not have dressed as a woman in those wintry days for all the Spanish princes in the empire.