He opens his mouth again and I am incredibly afraid of what’s about to come out, because I know it’ll only stir up feelings I definitely don’t have about this boy who is secretly in love with Jessica Stone but doesn’t know it. And I really, really don’t want to be the Other Girl in that situation, because I’ve seen Jess’s life—I’ve lived it!—and I’ve seen his devotion to her, and I know where I’ll be at the end of all of this:

On a curb outside of the ball, waiting for a Prince Charming who’ll never come.

So I do the only thing I can think of—

I splash him.

Like, not just one of those pansy splashes, either. I grew up with a brother, so I had to learn to deal some real damage whenever we visited the community pool. I splash Ethan so hard it’s like a tidal wave of pool water coming at him. He sputters, drenched, the gel finally loosening his hair from its meticulous hold.

“You did not just do that,” he says, offended, as he wipes his eyes.

“You talk too much, anyone ever tell you that?”

He scoffs. “Like I’m the only one!”

He proceeds to rake his arm across the surface in revenge. Water gets into my eyes and my nose, and blindly I shove water back at him. But he’s way taller than me and, not surprising, has longer arms, so he has full advantage in pool warfare. I try the doggie-paddle maneuver, but he comes back with a fan of water that drenches me, and the tides turn and I’m on the losing end of this battle, like the Prospero pitted against a fleet of Noxian horde ships. I try in vain just to stay above the surface.

But then he does the unthinkable.

He puts his massive hand on my head—

And pushes me under.

I barely make a sound before he dunks me, and when I come up for air, gasping and blinking salty water out of my eyes, he’s already starting for the stairs. “I win,” he says over his shoulder. “Now get out before someone calls Security—”

“Never surrender!” I cry, and take off after him—which in the water, you know, is basically slow-mo running in real time. I grab him around the middle and use the only move that ever works on Milo—I knock his legs out from under him and I suplex his body into the deep end.

Turns out he’s a lot heavier than I thought, especially for a beanpole. And his torso is very solid. And are those abs I feel?

Oh sweet baby Daleks, please don’t tell me Ethan actually has a nice bod.

That would just be too much.