Greg’s anger at his illness, having long since exiled his parents, has now turned on Nat. Greg’s anarchist friends have been urging him to seek a homeopathic remedy for his disease. Although Nat is cynical about modern medicine, frequently disparaging the testing of drugs upon innocent animals—a procedure he claims is refuted by the phenomenon of thalidomide—under my influence he entreats Greg to continue with the chemotherapy. Greg sees this advice as symptomatic of Nat’s own overreliance on the medical profession—me!—and scorns him for it. Indeed, Greg is increasingly shaping his life according to his strict code of ethics, refusing even to take the state’s money. Hence Nat’s lifestyle comes in for much derision. Greg’s illness has cured him of one thing: his love of the macabre.

The band is still holding together, but only just. In Greg’s eyes Nat is an outcast and Jim is a leper. Yet although the music they play together would be sufficient to purge most souls for a lifetime, it does not seem to assuage Greg’s anger in the slightest. Under such circumstances, Nat’s pessimistic theories as to the ineptitude of catharsis would seem most plausible, were it not for the fact that Greg’s chemotherapy is in itself a purgative treatment which leads him to a more personal, less artistic but nevertheless more genuine catharsis than anything Nat has envisaged for himself.

SUN MAR 27

Nat’s band were due to record their album today, but Greg cancelled the session at the last minute. This was not directly due to his illness, but rather a gesture to show Jim and Nat just how bad he feels. Nat’s main interest lies with the record and not where it should which is with his friend. I greatly berated him for this.

It was soon apparent why Nat had arranged our sudden appointment. He is in a state of confusion himself, having been up all night embellishing and finishing off artwork for the project. The nub of the problem seems to be the acute difference betwixt Greg and Nat’s lifestyles. Greg feels that the way of life he has chosen should also be adopted by Nat. This, telling people what to do, does not in itself seem very anarchistic. Nat believes that it is “the illness that speaks”.

By the end of our meeting Nat had drunk vast quantities of coffee, a habit for which Greg condemns him, because the space in the third world used to grow such “luxurious indulgences” could be better used for growing crops to feed the starving who live there. Nat has gradually resigned himself to never seeing Greg again and the album never coming to fruition. I suggested there was an element of cherchez la femme on Greg’s side; Nat would neither confirm nor deny this suspicion of mine.

SUN APR 10

Nat’s band finally recorded their album.