“Very impressive for a man who’s been dead over fifty years.”

“Right. Anyway, he had this idea that people needed to have secrets. A secret is the thing that separates you from the masses. That secret is what makes you an individual.”

“And your point?”

“Dunno. Just seems kind of interesting that your whole life is a secret—by choice. Why do you think that is? You think maybe you like being separated from other people? Other priests, maybe?”

The Viking laughed a little—a very little—at that. “Worth considering.”

“Why would you want to be a priest if you don’t, you know, like them? Or want to be like them?”

“I promise you, Cyrus, you do not want to go anywhere near my psyche. You’d be better off walking blindfolded through an active minefield.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Worse.”

“Good. I don’t feel bad now about asking you a creepy question.”

“You have me intrigued. If you can creep me out, I’ll be very impressed.”

Priest. Sadist. Sleeping with a dominatrix. Yeah, probably took a lot to creep this old boy out.

“Speaking of priests and death—what makes a priest want to kill himself? It’s not just a sin. It’s the sin. The biggest sin. The sin that gets you kicked out of the cemetery. You can shoot up a 7-11 and still get in the cemetery. But you shoot yourself? That’s it. You’re evicted. Even the dead don’t want you in their neighborhood.”

“The usual, I imagine. Depression. Mental illness. Traumatic event. All those can be exacerbated by the loneliness of being a Catholic priest. No spouse to confide in, very few intimate friends. Also, there’s the fishbowl effect. We’re watched. We’re seen. We’re put on pedestals we don’t belong on. Most men feel the pressure to bottle up their emotions and priests experience that as well. But whereas other men are at least allowed to express anger, priests are expected to be godly and perfect at all times. We’re denied even the outlets other men are allowed.”

Cyrus nodded. He couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to go through life without Paulina in it. “What about you? Can you think of anything that would make you want to do it?”

“Ah, now that is a creepy question, isn’t it?”

“Creepy as hell,” Cyrus said. “Don’t answer it if you don’t want to.”

Søren took a long breath. “The two people in my life I love the most, I’ve hurt them both and hurt them deeply. Betrayed them, their trust, their love for me. And even then, I always had faith that the wounds would heal. And they’ve both done their fair share of damage as well.” He paused again. “I’d say the only thing that would make me tempted to take my own life would be if I hurt my son or found myself tempted to hurt my son. My father…he hurt my sister. And me when I tried to stop it. Yes, if I were tempted to hurt a child, my child especially, I would be very tempted to do myself in.”