Later, at some uncharted point of night, I woke and saw her at the desk, typing on the computer.

“I’m taking the next two weeks off,” she said. Her voice was quiet but determined.

When I sat up it was obvious she had been awake for some time, trawling the internet to learn as much as she could about my condition.

“I’m afraid there are no alternative therapies,” I said.

“Not true,” she replied quickly. “There’s one in South America with native healers. I’m looking into flights now.”

Carol had warned me this might happen.

In the morning, there were several hard sessions of crying again. At one point she got down in front of the toilet, but nothing came up except a clear, stringy paste. After that she gained some composure and said she was sorry for any time in our marriage when she’d spoken harshly or been cruel. I told her that none came to mind, but that any difficult moments had brought us closer. She said she wished we could go back to when we were young and live it all over again.

She couldn’t believe I was so calm. “It’s a miracle,” she said.

That made me feel good, as you and I both know the hell I’d been through to arrive at this place.

I reassured her that most of the paperwork had been done, and there was a list of names and email addresses of people she would need to contact to let them know, when it happened. The email had been written, and would be sent to her by our lawyer, along with things to sign for the life insurance and social security. I would also leave the passwords to my email and social media accounts so she could close them down. I told her it was important she did all this.

And my ashes were to be sprinkled, when she was ready, in the sea off Amagansett. And if she could smuggle some back to England⁠—along the grass bank where she had saved me from the bully.

Around lunchtime on the second day, Hadley and I sat together on the couch with hot drinks.

“I just can’t believe it,” she said. “You look fine. I can’t believe you’re sick.”

“I think I knew for a while. I felt it.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I wasn’t sure.”

“You must have been frightened.”

“I was frightened when I knew for certain.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I had to come to terms with it myself.”

“It must have been awful, that first day.”

“I actually came home and watered the plants. Then I walked around the apartment and looked at everything as though for the first time.”

“I just wish I’d been there for you, at the beginning,” she said.

“But this is how I wanted it.”