It still rankled that they had used that against him, his desire and love for Jessica. That the only thing that had saved him had been a lack of conclusive evidence, a few stray fibers on her body that didn’t match anything he owned, and a damn good defense attorney.

“I don’t need to hear any of that,” she said in a quiet voice. “I only need to hear what you’re willing to tell, what you want to share with me. But if we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, which I’m sincerely hoping we will, then you need to trust me with the ugliness as well as the good things.”

Her dignity, her calm, controlled tone, jerked him out of his ranting. His shoulders fell and he leaned back against the wall, then sank to the floor, too tired to stand anymore. It was just as exhausting now as it had been three years ago. He wasn’t over a damn thing. “Christ, Mandy, I didn’t want to ever bring you into any of this. You deserve better than this.”

“Better than what? A man who loves me? A man who loves my child?” She stood up and came toward him, dropping onto the floor in front of him. “It’s not your fault, damn it. You didn’t do anything. You didn’t kill Jessica and it doesn’t matter what those cops thought. You know the truth here.” She jabbed her finger in his chest, right over his heart. “And I know the truth.”

“Then why can’t I let it go?” He touched her cheek with longing. “All I want is to be with you. All I want is just a sliver of happiness. Why can’t I have that?”

“There’s no reason you can’t.” Her mouth turned into his palm, her lips brushing across his flesh. “You can have whatever you want.”

He closed his eyes, everything in him aching. “There are people who will always think I did it. The publicity wasn’t as bad as it could have been since it was in the aftermath of 9/11 and there were more important news stories. But there will always be a question in some people’s minds. Do you want that for you and your daughter?”

“I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks.”

Somehow, he believed her. He could see her resolve, feel it, and her strength, conviction, belief in him, made him feel weak all over again. He kept wrestling his demons, and they kept winning, and he didn’t know how to fix that. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from you, but it’s so hard to talk about it…”