“It’s not like you got to write the first chapter.”

“I guess.”

“Guess nothing. You were a little kid.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t keep the irrational voices out of your head.”

“What are the voices saying?”

“She had such a complicated relationship with men. Is it all right to use past tense? I don’t want to be . . . Anyway. So many men were enthralled by her, and she knew that, and she made use of that. I don’t mean calculating, more just, human nature. But then it’s a power struggle, because of course they tried to control her, too, and you could argue that a lot of the time they did, or maybe the world did. Her writing. Her career. It wasn’t fair and she knew it.”

The waitress came with his drink then and he waited for her to set it down and leave again. “I think that love, love affairs, became mortal combat for her, she didn’t trust men. She loved them but she didn’t trust them. Does that make sense?”

“Absolutely.”

“So sometimes I wonder. If I’d been a daughter instead of a son, would she have stayed?”

I felt bad for him then in a way I hadn’t before. I said, “Wow, talk about something that isn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, I know. Irrational.”

After a time our food came and we ate and talked a little about other things. He liked California, he thought he might stick around rather than go back to New York. I said I was sort of up in the air about my future, too. Trying to decide what I was good at. Good for.

Boone seemed surprised to hear it. “You? You’re pretty good at lots of things.”

“Which is the same as being not good enough at any one thing.”

“Don’t you think you’re kind of young to be despairing about the rest of your life?” I gave him an unfriendly look. “Okay, sorry, look, can I ask you something without you jumping down my throat? How come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Having a boyfriend is not a career plan.”

“Granted. I’m just surprised. Is there some respectful way to say you’re gorgeous?”

I brushed that last aside. “I do have a boyfriend. Since you ask. Sort of. It’s complicated.”

“Huh. Well, there’s somebody I guess you could call my girlfriend, but it’s complicated, too.”

We looked at each other solemnly for a minute and then we both started laughing, and that broke some tension that had been between us all along. When we were done eating, we went out to the walkway and looked over the harbor, the water and the reflected lights and the magic, illuminated city across the bay, the million-dollar view free to anyone who wished to see it. I let him kiss me, since we’d both laid down our weapons and nothing would come of it. Then we said good night and I got in the truck and headed north.