"There's just been some new developments about Sean and I wanted to tell you. You know, instead of on the phone."

We both took chairs at the table. The circles under her eyes hadn't disappeared and she had done nothing with makeup to hide them. I felt her gloom descending on me and I looked away from her face. I thought I had escaped but it was impossible here. Her pain invaded every space in the house and was contagious.

"Were you asleep?"

"No, I was reading. What is it,Jack?"

I told her. But unlike Wexler, I told her everything.

About Chicago, about the poems, about what I wanted to do now. She nodded occasionally during the story but showed nothing else. No tears, no questions. All of that would come when I was done.

"So that's the story," I said. "I came to tell you. I'm going to Chicago as soon as I can."

After a long silence she spoke.

"It's funny, I feel so guilty."

I could see tears in her eyes but they didn't fall. She probably didn't have enough left for that.

"Guilty? About what?"

"All of this time. I've been so angry at him. You know, for what he'd done. Like he had done it to me, not himself I started hating him, hating his memory. Now, you ... now this."

"We were all like that. It was the only way to live with it."

"Have you told Millie and Tom?"

My parents. She never felt.comfortable addressing them any other way.

"Not yet. I will, though."

"Why didn't you tell Wexler about Chicago?"

"I don't know. I wanted a head start, I guess. They'll find out about it tomorrow."

"Jack, if what you're saying is true, they should know everything. I don't want whoever did this to get away just so you can pursue a story."

"Look, Riley," I said, trying to keep calm, "whoever did this had already gotten away until I came along. I just want to get to the cops in Chicago before Wexler. One day."

We were silent a moment before I spoke again.

"And make no mistake. I want the story, that's true. But it's about more than just the story. It's about me and Sean."

She nodded and I let the silence hang between us. I didn't know how-to explain to her my motives. My skill in life was putting words together in a coherent and interesting narrative but inside I had no words for this. Not yet. I knew she needed to hear more from me and I tried to give her what she needed, an explanation I didn't quite understand myself "I remember when we graduated from high school we both pretty much knew what we wanted to do. I was going to write books and be famous or rich or both. Sean was going to be chief of detectives at DPD and solve all of the mysteries of the city ... Neither of us quite made it. Sean was closest, though."