CECILY: Oh, no. (Puts her hand over it.) You see, it is simply a very young girl’s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication. When it appears in volume form I hope you will order a copy. But pray, Ernest, don’t stop. I delight in taking down from dictation. I have reached ‘absolute perfection’. You can go on. I am quite ready for more.

ALGERNON: (somewhat taken aback): Ahem! Ahem!

CECILY: Oh, don’t cough, Ernest. When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough. Besides, I don’t know how to spell a cough. (Writes as ALGERNON speaks.)

ALGERNON: (speaking very rapidly): Miss Cardew, ever since half-past twelve this afternoon, when I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have not merely been your abject slave and servant, but, soaring upon the pinions of a possibly monstrous ambition, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.

CECILY: (laying down her pen): Oh! please say that all over again. You speak far too fast and far too indistinctly. Kindly say it all over again.

ALGERNON: Miss Cardew, ever since you were half-past twelve – I mean ever since it was half-past twelve, this afternoon, when I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty…

CECILY: Yes, I have got that, all right.

ALGERNON: (stammering): I – I –

CECILY lays down her pen and looks reproachfully at him.
(Desperately.) I have not merely been your abject slave and servant, but, soaring on the pinions of a possibly monstrous ambition, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly. (Takes out his watch and looks at it.)

CECILY (after writing for some time, looks up): I have not taken down ‘hopelessly’. It doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? (A slight pause.)

ALGERNON: (starting back): Cecily!

CECILY: Is that the beginning of an entirely new paragraph? Or should it be followed by a note of admiration?

ALGERNON: (rapidly and romantically): It is the beginning of an entirely new existence for me, and it shall be followed by such notes of admiration that my whole life shall be a subtle and sustained symphony of Love, Praise and Adoration combined.

CECILY: Oh, I don’t think that makes any sense at all. The fact is that men should never try to dictate to women. They never know how to do it, and when they do do it, they always say something particularly foolish.

ALGERNON: I don’t care whether what I say is foolish or not. All that I know is that I love you, Cecily. I love you, I want you. I can’t live without you, Cecily! You know I love you. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife? (Rushes over to her and puts his hand on hers.)