JACK: My ’89 champagne!

CECILY: Yes. I thought you would like him to have the same one as yourself.

JACK: Oh! Well, if he has lunched once, he can’t be expected to lunch twice. It would be absurd.

MISS PRISM: To partake of two luncheons in one day would not be liberty. It would be licence.

CHASUBLE: Even the pagan philosophers condemned excess in eating. Aristotle speaks of it with severity. He uses the same terms about it as he does about usury.

JACK: Doctor, will you escort the ladies into luncheon?

CHASUBLE: With pleasure.

He goes into the house with MISS PRISM and CECILY.

JACK: Your Bunburying has not been a great success after all, Algy. I don’t think it is a good day for Bunburying, myself.

ALGERNON: Oh! There are ups and downs in Bunburying, just as there are in everything else. I’d be all right if you would let me have some lunch. The main thing is that I have seen Cecily and she is a darling.

JACK: You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don’t like it.

ALGERNON: Well, I don’t like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them. Why on earth don’t you go up and change? It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque.

JACK: You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else. You have got to leave…by the four-five train.

ALGERNON: I certainly won’t leave you so long as you are in mourning. It would be most unfriendly. If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose. I should think it very unkind if you didn’t.

JACK: Well, will you go if I change my clothes?

ALGERNON: Yes, if you are not too long. I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.

JACK: Well, at any rate, that is better than being always over-dressed as you are.

ALGERNON: If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

JACK: Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd. However, you have got to catch the four-five, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town. This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you. (Goes into the house.)

ALGERNON: I think it has been a great success. I’m in love with Cecily, and that is everything. It is all very well, but one can’t Bunbury when one is hungry. I think I’ll join them at lunch. (Goes towards door.)

Enter CECILY.

CECILY: I promised Uncle Jack that I wouldn’t speak to you again, unless you asked me a question. I can’t understand why you don’t ask me a question of some kind. I am afraid you are not quite so intellectual as I thought you were at first.