Last night was a prime example. They’d had pizzas again, and Freddie hadn’t made it to bed until nearly ten o’clock. Even on a Friday that was far too late for a ten-year-old. Freddie couldn’t possibly be getting enough sleep and that was all down to Nick. He was the father; he should be sticking to a routine. With a sigh and sip of nearly cold tea, he chastised himself again. He really had to do a better job.

Nick went to the kitchen and unplugged his phone from the charging cable. Freddie must be hungry by now. Starving. Berating himself yet again for taking such bad care of the son he loved so much, the child he’d longed for and had sworn to protect from the moment he held the tiny pink baby in his arms, he said, ‘Let’s get you some breakfast, hey, mate?’

‘I had cereal.’

‘You did?’ He couldn’t hide the surprise from his voice. How long had he been up? ‘When?’

‘Don’t know. A while ago. You were still asleep, so I got up and made it myself.’

‘Oh, mate, you didn’t have to do that. You should have woken me up.’

‘You were tired. You fell asleep in front of the telly last night.’

Nick scratched his jaw, digging his nail in to distract himself from the pain shooting into his heart. He couldn’t fail this boy any more if he upped and left too. In fact, sometimes Nick felt Freddie would be better off living with someone else but no matter how much he failed he couldn’t face the idea of not being with him every day. There were always moments among the sea of failures that made it worthwhile. Like last night when they’d sat playing on the PlayStation, eating pizza, Freddie giggling. Even though he’d been worn out, Nick’s love had brimmed over because, despite his weariness, he’d made him laugh. He sighed. He’d just have to try harder. Much harder.

Nick walked over and pulled his son into a tight embrace. ‘I’m sorry, mate.’

Freddie buried his head into his T-shirt and a muffled ‘S’okay’ came back. When he pulled away, he peeped up, his brown eyes large.

‘What do you want to do today, hey?’ Freddie shrugged as Nick ignored the stack of dirty plates littering the coffee table and gazed out of the large window in the living room.