‘So. Are things still difficult between you and your husband?’

‘My husband is dead.’

The monk nodded, unfazed. ‘He was sick?’

‘An accident. He had a bad fall and got blood poisoning and died in less than forty-eight hours.’

‘I see you are very sad.’

‘Yes. I did everything you said. I tried so hard. I forgave him. We were reconciled.’ She looked at the sleeping child in her arms. ‘He was so happy about the baby. Life together wasn’t perfect, but we had found a way to make it work. I can’t believe he’s gone.’

The monk said nothing, but looked at her expectantly, so Evie stumbled on to fill the silence. ‘It’s so unfair. Unjust. What kind of god strikes a man down at only forty-three? And when he’s recently become a father. What a cruel god to punish us like that.’

The anger welled up inside her. She lowered her eyes. ‘I think it’s a punishment. My husband believed he was being punished for causing the death of his brother when they were children, but he was wrong. God wouldn’t punish him for something that happened accidentally when he was a child – God was actually punishing me.’

‘Why would God punish you?’

She looked up and met his eyes.

‘For loving another man.’ There, it’s out, she thought, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. If she expected a thunderbolt to strike her down, it didn’t happen.

‘You betray your husband with this other man?’ The monk’s gaze was steady.

‘Only in my thoughts. I tried so hard to be a good wife. To put aside my feelings for the other man. I worked hard to make my husband happy.’

‘And you did. You tell me he happy about beautiful baby. Yes?’

‘Yes. He was. He wanted a son desperately.’

‘So why you say God punish you for that? You plan leave your husband for this other man?’

‘No!’

‘I ask again why you think God punish you?’

She looked down, twisting her fingers round each other. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Death is part of life.’ He looked up at her, his eyes kind and his voice calm and reassuring. ‘Without death, is no life. Flowers bloom then die and dying make new growth possible. Watch your son grow. See how he see magic in new things. In things you no more see. He see magic in things you think dull. Look your children. They are future. Husband return to nature. He now part of world around you. He part of your children. You will see husband in son as boy grows. In him, husband lives on in new life. This is the way of the world.’

She stared at the monk. ‘So, I shouldn’t feel guilty?’

‘You learn nothing? Remember what I say you before. To find love you must first learn to love self. Forgive self. Not blame self.’

Evie felt a weight lift off her shoulders.

‘Remember you made husband happy. You good wife. Now you be good mother.’