Chapters (17)
Lilienfeld stood on the coupling that was swaying back and forth under their feet and grabbed Silbermann by the arm.
“I’m not going any further,” he whispered. “There are too many Christians here for my taste!”
“But why are you so afraid?” asked Silbermann.
“Why? Yesterday they attacked my shop. Once you’ve been through everything I have, you’ll start thinking differently!”
“Come on, you just have to stay calm and keep going. No one can tell by looking that you’re Jewish.”
“Except you noticed right away!”
“Only because you were so uneasy.”
“Well, in any case I’m turning around,” Lilienfeld announced. “I don’t have to prove how brave I am for a cup of coffee. Having the nerve to do something is all well and good, but having your peace is even better.”
“What do you think might happen to you?”
“I don’t know. All it takes is running into a single acquaintance and there you have it. Sure, that’s not going to happen—but what if it does?”
They turned around.
“I don’t understand you,” said Silbermann on their way back. “Earlier you wanted to be in third class so you’d be surrounded by people.”
“Call it paranoia,” said Lilienfeld, enlightened. “I feel as if I were somehow branded. Besides, I don’t think Jews are allowed in the dining car.”
“Jews aren’t allowed to live their lives,” Silbermann answered. “Do you want to be ruled by that?”
Lilienfeld didn’t speak again until they had reached their compartment. “Sometimes I feel utterly discouraged and fainthearted,” he said, a little ashamed of his explanation. “It took me days before I was willing to leave my shop. Because I was afraid that someone might start shoving me around or insult me. Even though business was bad, I didn’t chase after any new orders. You know sometimes I have the sense that nothing’s going right anymore, nothing at all!”
“Come on,” said Silbermann encouragingly. “I much preferred that nice optimism you had before. Don’t give up on yourself like that! I’m sure you lived through far more dangerous situations in the war. And there you were lucky and came out of it safe and sound. Maybe in eight days you’ll have already found work abroad, and then all of this will be behind you. Just don’t give in, my friend! Don’t break down. Keep your eye on the goal, and you’ll be sure to reach it! Weltschmerz isn’t something you can afford! That can come later, when you’re digesting a good meal—then you’re allowed to be melancholic.”
“You’re right,” said Lilienfeld, noticeably brighter. “If you want we can go again!”
How great is the power of words, Silbermann marveled, not at all feeling the same encouragement he had talked his companion into.
“No, no,” he said. “Let’s leave it. You aren’t completely wrong, either. A waiter is likely to show up soon, and if not we’ll share a cup of coffee at the next station.”
“I wonder if I’ll make it,” asked Lilienfeld, once again very downcast.