Back The Passenger
Chapters (17)
  1. Copyright Notice
  2. PREFACE
  3. THE PASSENGER
  4. ONE
  5. TWO
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. AFTERWORD TO THE GERMAN EDITION
  16. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  17. Newsletter Sign-up

I wanted to be with her, he thought, and here I am with him! He looked on as Lustiger chewed with his sunken cheeks, making light smacking sounds that Silbermann found almost repulsive.

“I’m telling you,” Lustiger said, misty-eyed, “this goose leg helps you forget a lot!”

A few minutes later he clapped Silbermann on the shoulder. “We’ll stick together,” he said cheerfully.

“You’re putting me in jeopardy,” Silbermann exclaimed, both agitated and annoyed.

Lustiger stared at him. His face lost the look of contentment it had taken on while they were eating, his eyes widened, and his mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, but he was silent. He lowered his head until it was practically lying on his right shoulder. Then he stood up without saying a word, took his hat and coat off the chair next to him, and started putting them on.

“Lustiger,” said Silbermann. “I didn’t mean it that way. It just came out like that. I’d be very happy to stay with you. Of course I would. I wasn’t serious. I didn’t want to upset you, I really didn’t. But Lustiger, don’t be silly, stay. I really do believe you’ll be a little safer with me. Don’t take it so…”

Lustiger grimaced. “You’re right,” he said. “Of course I’m putting you in jeopardy. But one always only thinks of oneself. Good-bye.”

He reached out his hand. Silbermann held it tightly.

“Stay,” he requested. “I’m all wrought up. Just so you know, someone said the same thing to me today. Only a few hours ago. Now I see there’s no difference between me and the others. Sit down, please. Stay.”

Lustiger shook his head. “No, no,” he said, very calmly. Then he tapped his hat once more and said, “Another time, then…”

Silbermann watched him leave.

I can no longer complain, he thought. Becker, Findler, Hollberg didn’t behave any worse than I just did. I can’t even claim any moral outrage: I’ve forfeited the right. I really ought to run after the old man, hold on to him, stay with him. Perhaps my wicked words will do him in. For being a sensitive man, I’m plenty brutal. I stay in my chair, I watch him go, and despite everything I’m glad to be rid of him.

Distraught, he looked around the café. What actually separates me from you, he thought. We’re so alike it’s downright frightening.

He finished eating, paid, and left the café.

Will-o’-the-wisp eyes … he tried thinking about the woman. Her eyes really were so … But suddenly he was no longer interested in her. He pictured old Lustiger, his tired gait, his enthusiastic eating, and thought he could hear him say, “And for that I get to live to sixty?”

Once again Silbermann found himself in front of the train station.

I wanted to look up the address, he remembered. But he was already in line at the ticket counter, with people in front and behind him. Where to? he asked himself.