Her posture was heavy with relief, and her fingers shook as she fixed two cups of coffee, handing me one after I paid the woman at the register. It was a comfortable pattern, and I took a sip as we slowly started down the busy corridor for the car. Ivy’s posture had shifted, as if a huge doubt had been removed from her soul along with the amulet around my neck. I could walk away from this and leave everything as it was, but I had to tell her now. To wait would make me a coward. “Ivy?”

“Jenks is going to kill me,” she said, giving me a quick sideways look. There was a hint of moisture in her eyes, and she smiled bitterly as she wiped it away. “You’re leaving, aren’t you.”

Oh, my God, when Ivy got it wrong, she really got it wrong. I didn’t need a boyfriend. I had all the drama I could stand right here. “Ivy,” I said softly as I pulled her to a stop among the oblivious people around us. “Sharing that with you was the most intoxicating thing I’ve ever felt. When our auras chimed…” I swallowed hard, having to be honest with her about the good as well as the bad. “It was as if I knew you better than myself. The love…”

I sniffed and wiped my nose. “Damn it, I’m crying,” I said miserably. “Ivy, as good as that felt, I can’t do that again. That’s what I’ve been trying to say. I can’t let you break my skin again, not because you lost it or because I don’t trust you. But because…” I looked up at the ceiling, unable to look at her. “Because I thought I was bound to a vampire, and it was the most frightened I’ve ever been in my life.” I laughed bitterly. “And I’ve had some pretty scary shit to dig myself out of.”

“Then you are leaving.”

“No. But I won’t blame you if you want to.”

I stood where we were in the filtered sun, searching for words so simple that they couldn’t be misinterpreted or misunderstood. “I’m sorry,” I breathed, but I knew she could hear me over the surrounding chatter of commerce. “I wasn’t leading you on. I like you—hell, I love you, probably—but…” I gestured helplessly, seeing her expression dark with emotion when I found the courage to meet her eyes. “Kisten died because I was living my life like it had a reset button. He paid the price for my stupidity. I can’t keep combining the risk of death with the joy of…caring and love. I’m not going to ever share that with you again.” I hesitated. “No matter how good it feels. I can’t keep living like that. I risked everything to gain—”