I actually let out a small scream before covering my mouth. But I immediately remove my hand. I need to in order to look at my whole face.

It’s me. It’s me me. A version of myself I haven’t seen in a long time.

When I was first cast in Brilliance, I was not-so-subtly urged by Devon to get some work done. Unprompted, he showed me pictures of Scarlett Johansson’s nose job and casually mentioned the incredible power of a brow lift. Not once, but over and over again. I ignored it until finally he took me to Spago, bought us each a glass of the good champagne—like really good—and told me, Listen, honey, you wanna make it in this business, you’re gonna need to get some work done, there, I said it, I said I wouldn’t say it, but now I’ve said it.

Next thing I knew, Lisa Michele was making me appointments in Beverly Hills and I was making up stories about a frisbee-to-the-face incident to my parents. Who didn’t believe a word of it, to their credit.

My natural nose wasn’t particularly big, crooked, or objectionable. It was a little round at the end and slightly broader in the middle—not the manufactured, neat and tidy, narrow nose so common on today’s celebrities. But I still had the work done. With encouragement, I also got a little Juvéderm in my lips and Botox in my forehead. Then, because I was already at it, I got my buccal fat removed and that little brow lift.

I didn’t look drastically different. I looked like me on a good day in a good picture, but now it was every day and in every picture. The Juvéderm didn’t give me big duck lips; it made them a little more pillowy and plusher. The Botox was a little weird because when I smiled, the wrinkles—which had to go somewhere—started creasing under my eyes instead of around them, so I got more Botox there. The buccal fat removal was meant to make my cheekbones look higher. And it does, but sometimes I tend to look a little gaunt and slightly older than I really am.

But paired with the good styling and expensive products, it equaled a new-and-improved me.

You know how reality stars and contest winners tend to just look a liiiiittle bit (to a lot bit) better after they get the money? It was like that.

But right now, I’m looking in the mirror at what I can best describe as my own before picture. Plus a couple years.

I raise my eyebrows and see the natural lines form, which are unfamiliar to me of late. I touch my nose and my cheeks, somehow returned to their slightly plumper former appearance. I smile and watch my thinner top lip almost disappear.