I took some time to consider where I wanted to be next. I knew I needed a break from LA and all its milk substitutions, but I didn’t know where to go. I wound up having my agent set up a bunch of auditions and send off tapes to different directors, but without telling her, I also reached out to a few theatre companies. I got an audition with Les London Players for a play called With a Ribbon, a holiday show that calls itself a cross between Love Actually and It’s a Wonderful Life.

And lo and behold, I got the role I wanted!

It stars three sisters and I’m the youngest. There’s an ensemble of truly hilarious people, and the show itself is funny and heartwarming.

As soon as I showed up on the first day, I knew I had made the right choice, and I felt truly honored to have been cast. The other actors were excited and enthusiastic, all with the attitude that we, as a community, would be building something together. No one seemed to even care how big or small their role was. Everyone was in high spirits. I became friends with all of them, meeting their equally wonderful partners or, if unattached, hearing about their bad dates. We went out for spicy curries on chilly nights and drank cheap beer—me remembering always that I do, now, like lime pickle and never skipping the naan.

For the holidays, the streets near my little rented flat have twinkling lights and banners on the lampposts advertising With a Ribbon and The Nutcracker. I have a new favorite coffee shop and I’ve learned that I hate Marmite but love tea with cream. Dido—the dog, not the singer—is with me, and she trots happily along the wet streets with me when we do our morning and evening walks, as happy in London as she was in Florida as she was in LA.

She would have loved Avalon, too, I think. She would have loved Maureen.

I feel an immense sense of loss after Avalon. But I also feel free of the unbearable weight of unacknowledged grief that I’ve been traveling with for years, and that has offset some of the pain. And when it hurts, I let it hurt.

I am myself, right now. I am not hiding from the version of me who once was. I’m the girl from Florida who, to this day, has permanent tan lines. I lost my best friend in a tragic car accident.

After meeting Cillian and Kiera, I believe in love in the way I used to when I stayed awake at night, with or without Aimee, dreaming of what it might someday really feel like. I believe that good, wonderful people are out there, waiting to be met. Losing Aimee didn’t mean I’ve lost the chance at true friendship. It only means I lost Aimee.