Here, I could have focused on what I loved. Love. I’m sure there’s a fair share of holding each other’s hair back after five-too-many shots of the cheapest whiskey they can get their hands on. I think the drinking age is eighteen. But it seems so much more serene.

I didn’t really get to be challenged by acting until I was in LA, going on auditions, getting burned in trials by fire. I lived in a crappy ground-floor apartment without AC, with old, slatted windows that blocked out no sound, and every day it seemed like they were dragging the dumpster as slowly and loudly as possible down the asphalt driveway right on the other side of the wall. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard amplified through a megaphone. But my little hellhole was around the corner from incredibly historic places that made the whole thing feel worth it.

I went to a million cattle-call auditions. Some turned out to be bigger than I expected, some smaller; some wound up being multi-level marketing scams, and some felt more like porn casting couch situations. I got pretty good at figuring out the difference before driving all over town. I tried to create a presence online but my attempts felt lame and uncomfortable.

I bartended late into the night and went out for things whenever I was off, getting shifts covered whenever something unexpected came up like a callback. I lived paycheck to paycheck, going negative more often than I ever had a surplus. And my eventual big break had little to do with my hard work or talent. The only reason I am where I am today—or, was where I was a few days ago, anyway—is that I was bartending on a slow Thursday night when a studio executive came in with his friends, got drunk, and decided to discover someone.

Yeah. Pretty ridiculous.

Old men in LA all pretend they have the power to make you a star, but of course very few of them do. And the odds of being discovered like Lana Turner at a malt shop are even lower. But I made him my signature Cherry Cola Vieux Carré riff (Michter’s Rye, Carpano Antica, Peychaud’s bitters, vanilla bean syrup, and a Luxardo maraschino cherry) and it caught his attention. I didn’t ignore him like I would have if I’d been in a different mood. And then he gave me an audition you usually need a good agent for. He gave me an audition you usually need a good agent and a packed resume for.

It was his idea for Brilliance to come in hot with a completely fresh star.

Me.