“You’re not even going to the hell with ghosts and goblins; you’re going to an especially bad hell for little boys who keep secrets from their siblings,” said Winifred, “someplace where there are such terrible beings we’ve never even heard of them. But I’ll tell you this, Zebediah Madden: they make ghosts and goblins look cuddly.”

“Now, now, let’s be reasonable, Winifred,” said Wilfred, laying a calming hand on her forearm and then turning to Zebediah. “Let’s give him a chance to tell us. Zebediah, what do you do in the woods all day?”

“I visit the hermit,” said Zebediah.

“No you don’t,” I said. I couldn’t help myself. “You can’t make us believe he made friends with you just because he caught you spying on him. The hermit doesn’t want to spend time with anyone. That’s why he’s a hermit.”

“Ipso facto,” said Wilfred.

I didn’t know what “ipso facto” meant but made a note to look it up. Bonus points, Wilfred!

“He wants to spend time with me,” said Zebediah. “He likes me. He showed me where the mermaid rescued him from the ocean.”

“Oh, please,” said Winifred. “Mermaids!”

“She did, she did.”

“Liar,” said Winifred.

“I’m not,” said Zebediah. “That’s what the hermit told me, and he even showed me some of the scales that fell off her. They’re made of gold, and he keeps them in a special box.”

“Oh, you big fat liar,” said Winifred. “It’s one thing not to tell us stuff, but to make up such rubbish!”

“I didn’t! He did!” said Zebediah. He had given up struggling under Wilfred, but he could still shout.

“All right, let’s go ask him,” said Wilfred.

“He won’t tell you. He doesn’t like people,” said Zebediah. “He told me so. But he likes me. He likes me because I’m special.”

“You are not,” said Winifred. “I never heard of such a thing.”

“And even if it is true,” said Wilfred, “you stay away from him. He’s a crazy person. Mother wouldn’t want you going off visiting a crazy person like that all on your own.”

“Oh, he’s harmless,” I said. “Really. Old Tom would never let him stay here if he wasn’t.”

“What about Daddy?” shrieked Winifred, turning to Zebediah.

“I’ll never tell you, and you can’t make me!” screamed Zebediah back.

There was a moment’s peace as we all sat silently, not knowing where to take things from here.

It was Zebediah who spoke first, this time in calm tones. “All right. Maybe I should have told you. If you get off me and let me read my letter, I will tell you what it all means.”

Wilfred looked at Winifred. She shrugged and took Zebediah’s letter out of her pocket.

“Promise?” she asked.

Zebediah nodded solemnly as best he could from his prone position, and Wilfred got off him. But before anyone could move, Zebediah leapt up, grabbed the letter out of Winifred’s hand, and made for the woods.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire! We’ll never trust you again, Zebediah! I hope you’re happy now!” screamed Winifred.