‘It’s very bracing in here, lads. Why don’t you all join me for a dip?’ His pride allowed him that much room for manoeuvre. He judged the mood just right, and the laughter was with him now, as people thought him a great sport.

We were on the Backs opposite Trinity, and Michael waded to the bank to go in search of warmth and fresh clothes. The incident seemed to have satisfied Francis’s need for drama, and he slowed his drinking as the puntman propelled us with grim and steady pushes back towards the weir. Once we were docked he remonstrated with us about our behaviour, but Francis worked him over with a hundred soothing apologies, all topped with a hefty tip. In the end he bid us goodnight with a friendly wave, and gave Francis his number, telling him to call him personally if he required any such service in future.

On the walk back to Tudor, Jessica seemed in a dark mood. She lagged behind the rest of the group, and I fell back with her, grateful to be spared the other guests. I asked her if anything was wrong, and to my surprise she answered me.

‘Did you see how much Francis paid the boatman?’ she said.

‘No.’

‘And that champagne we were drinking . . . it was far too good. I know this sounds crazy, but I think he steamed the labels off some bottles of Louis Roederer Cristal and stuck on some from Sainsbury’s, just to keep me and Lisa off his back. We set him a budget for this party, and he’s blown it completely. All those parasites, he doesn’t even like them . . .’

I could not decide whether this comment was aimed at me, or whether my own social paranoia had nudged me into the firing line. Jessica did not look at me for a reaction; she seemed to be occupied with her own thoughts, so I let it pass unremarked.

Sure enough, when Francis sobered up the next morning, he confessed he had already spent most of the money he had earned on the night of the fight, and with his allowance not due for another week he was back in trouble with the bookies, the tailors, the tobacconists, and a whole host of creditors too numerous to mention.